Unless the other parent is not suitable as a parent, why woulda family court judge grant custody to a parent who won't be there because they will be deployed? There are enough "absentee" parents who don't deploy, I don't see a judge ever granting custody to someone they know for a fact won't be there a lot unless the other parent is absolutely not suitable. It's not rigged, it's just common sense.
A military career is tough on children and you can be a better dad if you are doing something else. That's a fact, and the main reason I left. Unless you are in some remf non deplorable mos your family is taking a hit no ifs ands or buts about it. Deployments and 12 hr workdays are terrible for kids and there is no way around that fact no matter how much we try to justify ourselves or the importance of our missions. Our nation needs us to do that work, but it absolutely comes at the expense of our children and family.
As a fighter pilot I gave my job everything and my family by definition had to come second, I didn't even have a choice in the matter if I was going to do right by my wingmen and the guys I was trying to protect, it's just that demanding. It's not just about deployments, even when I was home I'd often go 3-4 days without seeing my kids awake because they were asleep when I went to work and asleep when I got home. Often when I was home I was working or mission planning in my head etc etc.
After ten years of that, I realized I was not a good dad or husband despite the fact I loved my kids as much as any dad possibly could. Nothing we do to mitigate our job demands can ever replace our time. There is no way around that. We don't have our children for long, and once they are gone and out of your house you aren't going to get that time back. So I made the decision that I had given Uncle Sam my best for the first half of my children's lives and I would try and give my family my best the second half before it was too late. Guess what, my unit survives without me, but no one will ever be able to fill your shoes as dad like you can.
The public has no idea what their freedom and protection has cost the families of military members. Only you can decide when they have given enough. It is a zero sum game, and those winning are the ones you are with at that time. It really is that simple.
