So I just had our second home completely remodeled, painted, new kitchen, back-splash, tile work..you name it. This was in anticipation of renting it out and then hopefully selling it in the next 1-2 years as the market in the area is picking up and nearing our predetermined 'get out' price.
To get the ball rolling I figured I'd post an ad on various sites online advertising the rental. I gave a VERY detailed description of the home, location, room dimensions, amenities, whats nearby, where it is as far as subdivision and cross-streets....everything. THis is in an upper middle-class area of town with a decent monthly rent payment, so the responses I received started to confuse me. Within a day, I start getting emails inquiring about the home that fall under one of the following categories:
1 - Asking a million questions that are plainly mentioned in the actual ad or the actual title of the ad, such as, how many bedrooms does a 3/2 have??!? I opened one email to what looked like the essay portion of the SAT. I just deleted it.
2 - Grammar/spelling that would make a 4th grader with a solid C average, feel superior
3 - People that self disqualify themselves within the first 2 sentences asking if the home is zoned to run their dog grooming business that they do at home out of, or if it would be ok to sublet the home after 6 months because he only needs it that long.
4 - People that want pictures of every square foot of the house and you never ever hear back from
5 - People that want to rent the house 5 months from now
So a few actually slipped through the apparent web of idiocy and scheduled a time to come by and see the home. Here's how that went.
#1 - Absolutely, positively HAD to see the house TODAY ASAP!!>!.!! Asked me 5 different times if the dining room was big enough for her dining room table (as in, I should have somehow knew how big her table was). I told her the dimensions were in the ad, and gave her the dimensions to the dining room THREE times on the phone. Shows up 45 minutes late, smells like she smoked an entire carton of cigarettes on the way over and says her table won't fit with a look on her face like she was about to accuse me of putting drywall up while waiting for her in order to make the room smaller. Next.
#2 - Calls me back 3 times after scheduling a time to come over with more questions. Never shows.
#3 - 70 year old guy that is retired from the .mil and has a <32 year old Spanish chick with him. Obvious green card magic going on here but whatever. He looks around and says he'll take it. I get his info, approval to run background/credit and find he has $67,000 in outstanding collections. Apparently when he got divorced to go chase young ass he just decided to stop paying for anything that was jointly in his and the wife's name. After notifying him that I cannot rent to him due to his unresolved credit issues he proceeds to call me where I explain everything to him and tell him that if he feels this is in error to contact the credit bureau and his creditors. He then proceeds to email me throughout the day first starting with the info for his attorney that I should call who will tell me everything with the divorce is being worked out (ok, and?) to then practically begging me to allow him to rent the house because he's being evicted within 2 weeks. Wrong answer.
#4 - A couple with no kids and both have good jobs. They look at the place and 45 mins later call me and say they want it. Great! They give me their info, credit release, etc. Everything looks fine and is good to go. I get a copy of the lease over to them and don't hear anything for a day; they then send an email asking for certain things in the lease to be changed. Changes are made as they are minor and lease is sent back. All of a sudden I start getting emails from the wife who used to 'manage rental units' blah blah blah about the lease and that her attorney said not to sign it. Oddly, its the lease the Bar Association and Realtor Association for the state I am in use; not sure what the issue is and why you are freaking out thinking I'm out to rob you. They never reply after I note that this is a widely accepted lease, the terms are what THEY initially requested and all the changes they wanted were agreed to. Chances are something happened and they don't want to sack up and tell me. Next.
#5 - Couple comes over where I've talked to the guy a few times. They moved to the state recently for his job, they want somewhere nice to live as he's growing his business, blah blah blah. Comes over all dressed up with his hot bodied girlfriend (shes a model! - I think they mentioned that THREE times) and wants the place. I get their employment info, credit authorization, etc. Apparently he left his state for his new job of, avoiding the warrant in his previous state. She has 2 arrests for prostitution. Get the fuck out.
I haven't even rented it out yet and I want to burn the fucking place down. Holy shit.
To get the ball rolling I figured I'd post an ad on various sites online advertising the rental. I gave a VERY detailed description of the home, location, room dimensions, amenities, whats nearby, where it is as far as subdivision and cross-streets....everything. THis is in an upper middle-class area of town with a decent monthly rent payment, so the responses I received started to confuse me. Within a day, I start getting emails inquiring about the home that fall under one of the following categories:
1 - Asking a million questions that are plainly mentioned in the actual ad or the actual title of the ad, such as, how many bedrooms does a 3/2 have??!? I opened one email to what looked like the essay portion of the SAT. I just deleted it.
2 - Grammar/spelling that would make a 4th grader with a solid C average, feel superior
3 - People that self disqualify themselves within the first 2 sentences asking if the home is zoned to run their dog grooming business that they do at home out of, or if it would be ok to sublet the home after 6 months because he only needs it that long.
4 - People that want pictures of every square foot of the house and you never ever hear back from
5 - People that want to rent the house 5 months from now
So a few actually slipped through the apparent web of idiocy and scheduled a time to come by and see the home. Here's how that went.
#1 - Absolutely, positively HAD to see the house TODAY ASAP!!>!.!! Asked me 5 different times if the dining room was big enough for her dining room table (as in, I should have somehow knew how big her table was). I told her the dimensions were in the ad, and gave her the dimensions to the dining room THREE times on the phone. Shows up 45 minutes late, smells like she smoked an entire carton of cigarettes on the way over and says her table won't fit with a look on her face like she was about to accuse me of putting drywall up while waiting for her in order to make the room smaller. Next.
#2 - Calls me back 3 times after scheduling a time to come over with more questions. Never shows.
#3 - 70 year old guy that is retired from the .mil and has a <32 year old Spanish chick with him. Obvious green card magic going on here but whatever. He looks around and says he'll take it. I get his info, approval to run background/credit and find he has $67,000 in outstanding collections. Apparently when he got divorced to go chase young ass he just decided to stop paying for anything that was jointly in his and the wife's name. After notifying him that I cannot rent to him due to his unresolved credit issues he proceeds to call me where I explain everything to him and tell him that if he feels this is in error to contact the credit bureau and his creditors. He then proceeds to email me throughout the day first starting with the info for his attorney that I should call who will tell me everything with the divorce is being worked out (ok, and?) to then practically begging me to allow him to rent the house because he's being evicted within 2 weeks. Wrong answer.
#4 - A couple with no kids and both have good jobs. They look at the place and 45 mins later call me and say they want it. Great! They give me their info, credit release, etc. Everything looks fine and is good to go. I get a copy of the lease over to them and don't hear anything for a day; they then send an email asking for certain things in the lease to be changed. Changes are made as they are minor and lease is sent back. All of a sudden I start getting emails from the wife who used to 'manage rental units' blah blah blah about the lease and that her attorney said not to sign it. Oddly, its the lease the Bar Association and Realtor Association for the state I am in use; not sure what the issue is and why you are freaking out thinking I'm out to rob you. They never reply after I note that this is a widely accepted lease, the terms are what THEY initially requested and all the changes they wanted were agreed to. Chances are something happened and they don't want to sack up and tell me. Next.
#5 - Couple comes over where I've talked to the guy a few times. They moved to the state recently for his job, they want somewhere nice to live as he's growing his business, blah blah blah. Comes over all dressed up with his hot bodied girlfriend (shes a model! - I think they mentioned that THREE times) and wants the place. I get their employment info, credit authorization, etc. Apparently he left his state for his new job of, avoiding the warrant in his previous state. She has 2 arrests for prostitution. Get the fuck out.
I haven't even rented it out yet and I want to burn the fucking place down. Holy shit.
