So I’m minding my own business in a far corner of the patio at my coffee shop this morning when a guy walks out with a couple of what looked to be 3 year old girls. The girls immediately start climbing all over everything but I don’t care because not my monkeys, not my circus.
Things began to change when one of the girls tries to climb over my legs because she can’t squeeze between me and the coffee table or realize that she can just walk around the other side, simultaneously the other girl starts climbing on the patio couch I’m sitting on. I look at the dad and he is apparently perfectly fine with his girls climbing on a complete stranger because he is just sitting there doing nothing.
I’m about to say something to the dad when one of the girls tells me that they are on their way to the amusement park (hopefully to give their mother an hour or two of sleep) and the girl pulls up her shirt to show me her swimsuit (thankfully she was in fact wearing one under her shirt). I noticed that this whole new extra large bucket of awkwardness doesn’t bother her dad in the least because that millennial dad has achieved a millennial level of self absorption.
In my best uncle Dan voice I tell the girls that any clothes they have can be swimsuits if they want to be and just as I’m about to buy the two unguided furniture missiles a double shot espresso each the fact that I just told the miniature monsters that they can go swimming in any clothes manages to penetrate the dads self absorption shield that protects him from reality and he quickly rounded up the curly haired monkeys and found a different corner of the patio to make their personal jungle gym.
As I was leaving he shot me a dirty look and I gave him my signature grin and a Queen Elizabeth wave.
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Things began to change when one of the girls tries to climb over my legs because she can’t squeeze between me and the coffee table or realize that she can just walk around the other side, simultaneously the other girl starts climbing on the patio couch I’m sitting on. I look at the dad and he is apparently perfectly fine with his girls climbing on a complete stranger because he is just sitting there doing nothing.
I’m about to say something to the dad when one of the girls tells me that they are on their way to the amusement park (hopefully to give their mother an hour or two of sleep) and the girl pulls up her shirt to show me her swimsuit (thankfully she was in fact wearing one under her shirt). I noticed that this whole new extra large bucket of awkwardness doesn’t bother her dad in the least because that millennial dad has achieved a millennial level of self absorption.
In my best uncle Dan voice I tell the girls that any clothes they have can be swimsuits if they want to be and just as I’m about to buy the two unguided furniture missiles a double shot espresso each the fact that I just told the miniature monsters that they can go swimming in any clothes manages to penetrate the dads self absorption shield that protects him from reality and he quickly rounded up the curly haired monkeys and found a different corner of the patio to make their personal jungle gym.
As I was leaving he shot me a dirty look and I gave him my signature grin and a Queen Elizabeth wave.
Follow me for more expert tips on parenting other peoples kids.