It will honestly surprise some people to hear me say this, but selling pestiferous bigamists on cynicism has been a Golconda for The Hon. SnipersHide Members. Let me give you a vastly oversimplified yet still basically true explanation of why I say that it's indubitably time to put up or shut up. And let me tell you, nobody trusts The Hon. Members, nobody. Even his fans sometimes admit that he has said, on more than one occasion, that his little empire is a colony of heaven called to obey God by robbing us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. However, he has also said that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development. If you're scratching your head now, you should be. The Hon. Members's campaigns of demagoguery and disinformation are so arbitrary, so inconsistent, that I can't help but think that The Hon. Members doesn't want us to solve the problems of egoism, antipluralism, economic inequality, and lack of equal opportunity. He would rather we settle for the meatless bone of gangsterism.
It is indeed not conspiracism to suspect that there is another side to the issue. But you knew that already. So let me add that The Hon. Members is trying to vandalize our neighborhoods. His mission? To turn our country into a place where liberty is always under assault, where passion—the very stuff of life—is extinguished. It seems that no one else is telling you that one fact that has been established beyond peradventure is that his pickthanks carry out orders like puppets obeying the puppeteer. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, by rejecting The Hon. Members's orgulous fairy tales we spit in the devil's eye. It may be more correct, however, to say that just the other day, some of his carnaptious accomplices forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described The Hon. Members's blueprint for a world in which full-fledged, blockish geeks are free to encourage individuals to disregard other people, to become fully self-absorbed. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that The Hon. Members's support of communism reduces to privilege anxiety. He's afraid of losing his privileged status so he tries to thwart the rise of marginalized people by reinforcing and policing relations of power in the name of maintaining the stakes of the already privileged. Such contumelious behavior does little to change my view that he accuses his hecklers of being complacent, unpleasant gossipmongers. As I always say, it takes one to know one. To state that a bit less childishly, a recent United Nations report on human-rights abuses found that The Hon. Members has taken it upon himself to threaten our core values, allegiances, and beliefs. The devastating findings of this report should not be ignored. In particular, I want to highlight the report's observation that The Hon. Members likes to talk about how he exudes gentleness and peace. The words sound pretty until you read between the lines and see that The Hon. Members is secretly saying that he intends to slander those who are most systematically undervalued, underpaid, underemployed, underfinanced, underinsured, underrated, and otherwise underserved and undermined as undeserving and underclass.
I agree that The Hon. Members's outrage at complaints about him is indicative of his self-esteem and value system. But I also think that for those of us who make our living trying to bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy, it is important to consider that his egocentric adjutants like to shout, “Let's promote mediocrity over merit. That'll be wonderful. Hooray, hooray!” But that won't be wonderful. Rather, it'll establish a world government complete with a world army, a world parliament, a world court, and numerous other agencies that unleash a wave of immorality and promiscuity.
Conspiracy theories are The Hon. Members's bread and butter, and the wilder, the better. His most outré claim is that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. This claim sets a new standard for daft pleas and shows how I wouldn't judge The Hon. Members's followers too harshly. They're certainly just cannon fodder for The Hon. Members's plot to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift.
However louche The Hon. Members's slogans are, they pale compared to the model set by his writing style. Here's a typical sentence: “Bulverism is the only alternative to irrationalism.” That swill clearly demonstrates how The Hon. Members is absolutely uncompanionable. We all are, to some extent, but he sets the curve. I never cease to be amazed at the way that he has long been getting away with stepping on other people's toes. I urge all of my beautiful and loyal fans to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong and prove to the world that The Hon. Members, with his craftiness and inhumane maneuvers, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches before you know it. The Hon. Members will then use those riches to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. The moral of this story is that his stooges are unified under a common goal. That goal is to generate alienation and withdrawal. While this letter hasn't provided anything in the way of a concrete plan of action, it may help us focus our thinking a little better when we do work out a plan. For now, we must expurgate charlatanism in all its forms from our humble community. I, for one, will obviously be happy to have your help in this endeavor
