So f-ing pissed

[gimpy]

I'm in D.C. For the week because I got drug along for some stuff for my wife as a 'caregiver.' I won't bother with bitching about what is out there for the severely wounded; guys in my position know why.

Anyway, I got suckered in to sitting in on a group interview today for a major network. The interview was designed to bring light to the difficulties faced by the spousal-support element for the severely injured. Don't get me wrong, I know I would not be where I am today if it weren't for her.

The interview started out with one wife whining, then the next one went on for 20 minutes with her sob story. My wife was next, and she just started crying. WTF!?!?!? I provide. I ask for little and give all because of the respect and devotion I have to her. The whole thing was a circus.

I hate being objectified, and that is all that happened. The women carried on like they live miserable lives. Maybe they do, but my wife lives like a queen. I have a 6-figure income, she drives a Benz, goes to the gym daily, and lives with all she could ever want. I dont verbally, physically, or psychologically abuse her. For me to be tied in to this situation implies that I am a burden, not a provider.

Eventually, myself and another grunt stood up and walked out. I have enough dignity not to air my laundry on a world-wide platform where random people will further develop their opinions.

Is it wrong that I am so pissed? I honestly don't ever want to ever have myself gauged by my service and am on the verge of denying I ever wore the uniform. I know people I work with will see this and it is going to effect my work environment. That pisses me off because I have worked for years to be where I am now.

I guess that's enough of the rant, but just thought I should blow off steam somewhere safe.

 

[ShtrRdy]

It sounds like your wife could use a little psychotherapy. Some people are not happy no matter what they have.

 

[truth]

Whiskey should help. Keep drinking more until it does.

 

[Icewater]

Some woman (men too) really love, or need attention and will lay it on pretty thick to get it. She probably didn't mean to disrespect you but got caught in the moment watching the other women

 

[BGE541]

Or your wife may see, after hearing whiney women talk about "issues", just how much you do provide. Tears can mean A LOT of different things...

 

[diverdon]

Gimpy, Thank you for your service. I hear where you are coming from. I agree with the poster above that tears can mean a lot of different things. I am sorry you were manipulated into a situation where the media were using you for ratings. Fuck them. Thanks for walking out on those assholes.

 

[eli polite]

I agree with the 2 previous posts.. Don't get to bent before knowing all the details talk to her or you might end up with egg on your face

 

[High Binder]

Sound like she doesn't appreciate what you provide. Might be worth letting her try out life without...

That being said, I'd be fucking pissed and would be pretty seriously looking to upgrade to a 20-something.

 

[lancetkenyon]

Stop paying for everything and make her get a job to pay for all of her own wants/needs. That should shut her up. Or at least open her eyes on how good she has it....had it.

 

[gimpy]

Here's the thing. I know I haven't been a saint. We've been through hell together, and that means something in my book. But, for her to pull this shit today is unacceptable. She drove me like an infantry team leader for years, and I responded to it. You know, drive on with a hard-on.

What has bugged me is that when she met wives of other f'ed up guys and was able to sympathize with them. Suddenly, their struggles were significant. Never mind the person at home who needed to feel love. That hurt, and has been a sore subject. When this happened today, it was the biggest slap in the face I have ever received. I could see her being in this place 5 years ago.

The whole thing is humiliating, and I don't really think I can get past it. It breached a line that is almost impossible to get back across. I could understand infidelity or some other major thing, but to openly act in a way that dismisses all that I have worked for is unacceptable.

 

[EventHorizon]

Take a breath and level with her. Ask her what it was all about for her and how she sees the past few yeaRs and herself now. If it's as bad as you think then tell her your side. Leave it for a day or two then see how you both feel. If really she's so ungrateful then you have some hard times ahead.

Thanks for your service and congrats on getting yourself into a good position amongst us civilians. We need all the good role models we can get.

 

[Mark williams]

Thank you for your service man. You have sacrificed way more than any women or most men will ever know. I know my wife's kinda thrown me under the bus a few times as well. This probably happened through ignorance of not understanding. I dont blame you for being pissed off and glad you walked out. Like above post don't rush it, sleep on it until the anger leaves, then have serious talk and let her know how you feel . Then make your decision whether you want to stay in it or not. Good luck man! Ps, let her know she's not the only women that looks like she sat down on a chainsaw. They all look the same when their turned upside down on their head.

 

[wilecoyote]

...The whole thing was a circus...

you've nailed the point : often the interviewers are quite good to push the interviewed to the emotional limits, only because that's good for the audience_ they well know that their victims are quite under pressure, if not all for the only fact to be under the spots : they take professional advantage of that, again only on the interest of the show, and at the worst they can introduce actors to utterly provocate their "prey"_ please, will consider that before all_
respects_

 

[Shoottothrill]

Seems like to me they are not happy unless they are playing some type of victim, or poor me. I really think its some kind of syndrome. It's not just you that goes through shit like this. Lots of men do everything for their women and up getting shit on. If I ever get single again, I'm staying single. Way to much drama for me. Thanks for your service bro.

 

[Foweis]

It's a sickness that chicks naturally have they can't fuckin help it, that being said they need a reminder every once in a while on what they have, and what life would be like without it, I've seen guys over do it on women spending too much giving in too much, that shit doesn't work. A saying my father once told me long ago, "A women is like a fine rug, looks good, soft touch, but every once and while you gotta dust it, get all crap off of it." Lol at first I thought wow this guys nuts, but after experience I got what he was saying. Sorry to ramble on just my honest opinion. Thank you for your service and I'm sure everything will be fine.

 

[-Nick-]

I have enough dignity not to air my laundry on a world-wide platform where random people will further develop their opinions.

Lol... but posting it on an internet forum is so much more discreet. Seriously though you make "six figures", thought your wife was great up until she cried on tv, and now your world is in shambles? Quick somebody... call the wambulance for this guy.

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

There are enough I's, Me's and MY"s in your story to maybe get some understanding of why she boo hoo'd. I don't know what you went thru but if she wanted to go to DC from ILL for some support group maybe you should stop thinking about you. Obviously she cared enough to go through whatever and you feel like you paid for it by the life style you pay for and she should be grateful for the stuff. Did you marry this woman because she was a superficial, money loving, conceited bitch?

 

[roggom]

So f-ing pissed

OP , I hear what you are saying from what you wrote. I clearly understand how you feel, and let me tell you that it is irritating when they cry like that.

One day she will stop crying and it will be too late. More than money and material things woman want to be loved and secure. Walking out on her on national tv while she was at a weak point will be archived in her mind forever.

I am not gonna pretend to know your whole situation but let me tell you I have spoken those same words.

A Benz is nice so is financial security, but a stupid little love note snuck into her purse will be worth ten fold.

As for crying, I am still married (for now) with three daughters. One of them is always crying. Lol. Sometimes I have to bust into my George Lopez routine "why you crying? The chocolate bunny?"

Back to the point, the situation you describe is pretty common with military guys. We bust our ass and make sacrifices to provide for our family(got the big ass shadow box to prove it), but learn later that it's not enough. That's why when you ask a military guy "how is your wife?",he will respond "which one?"

 

[FS1]

Maybe you should just sit down and talk to her. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves we can't see the forest for the trees are in the way.

We Americans have fallen to a place where many think money is everything. My experience has been that folks without money often are more grounded emotionally than those who think their value can only be expressed in dollars. JMHO

If you love her then sit down and listen. Maybe you will be enlightened.

And thanks for your service.

 

[alpine44]

I'm in D.C. For the week because I got drug along for some stuff for my wife as a 'caregiver.' I won't bother with bitching about what is out there for the severely wounded; guys in my position know why.

Anyway, I got suckered in to sitting in on a group interview today for a major network. The interview was designed to bring light to the difficulties faced by the spousal-support element for the severely injured. Don't get me wrong, I know I would not be where I am today if it weren't for her.

The interview started out with one wife whining, then the next one went on for 20 minutes with her sob story. My wife was next, and she just started crying. WTF!?!?!? I provide. I ask for little and give all because of the respect and devotion I have to her. The whole thing was a circus.

I hate being objectified, and that is all that happened. The women carried on like they live miserable lives. Maybe they do, but my wife lives like a queen. I have a 6-figure income, she drives a Benz, goes to the gym daily, and lives with all she could ever want. I dont verbally, physically, or psychologically abuse her.

Eventually, myself and another grunt stood up and walked out. I have enough dignity not to air my laundry on a world-wide platform where random people will further develop their opinions.

Is it wrong that I am so pissed? I honestly don't ever want to ever have myself gauged by my service and am on the verge of denying I ever wore the uniform. I know people I work with will see this and it is going to effect my work environment. That pisses me off because I have worked for years to be where I am now.

I guess that's enough of the rant, but just thought I should blow off steam somewhere safe.

-gimpy

First and foremost, thank you for your service.

Sharing your feelings on this forum was a good idea and the first step towards dealing with your frustration.

However, even the untrained observer realizes that this is a pretty complex story going far beyond the event in DC. You are torn inside over your own life as voiced in: "I honestly don't ever want to ever have myself gauged by my service and am on the verge of denying I ever wore the uniform." The sentiment: "For me to be tied in to this situation implies that I am a burden, not a provider." is just one symptom of this.

You are not alone with these challenges. Please do not feel odd about seeking professional help to come to terms with your choices, your personal sacrifices, and whether or not the outside world is able to validate (or invalidate) your life as it unfolded.

 

[garandman]

"Comparison is the thief of all joy."

 

[SniperCJ]

You need to be talking to HER about thos, not SH or any other 'world wide forum'. Clearly there is some disconnect in how you see things and how she sees things.

 

[JBNj]

Dont get bent out of shape. Remeber they have ginas.... And we will never know the struggles of having one. You sound like a great provider. But sometimes a women wants their men to be emotional with them. Not to solve their issues but to show emotion to their problems whatever that means.

My girl says i am a dick at times. My response: its better to be the dick instead of an asshole or pussy. Cause sometimes the asshole and pussy have to get fucked.

As others have said, speak to her about that day and ask her how it made her feel. Remeber we are suppose to be emotional with them... Not try and solve the issue. Good luck. And thanks for your service.

 

[Pester]

Gimpy, thanks for you service. Seriously....And your sacrifice.

We were branding some calves a few weeks back and a friend, tough lady, who is married to a retired LEO(SWAT, team lead, chief) sat on her horse, way off by herself just crying. Lots of reasons for anyone to cry at a branding so I went over to her to see if she was ok. Turns out she was having a melt down over her husband. She drives a benz 550, they live in an expensive house, etc.

She is his caregiver due to parkinsons. In a few years this guys went from being chief of a large CA city police force to literally having a hard time standing un aided. However, he is good in spirit and has taken up boxing to help himself. He is moving forward and he has frustration, at times, not being able to do what he was able to do before.

Her melt down came from the fact that she knew he had different dreams prior to his challenges and wanted the world for him. Plus being a full time caregiver, raising 2 kids and being the primary person responsible for the family weighs on her.

Like BGE541 says...tears can mean a lot of things. Just ask her. Or get a copy of the segment and sit down with her and ask her about it and tell her what upset you. Dont get angry.

Sounds like you are a smart focused guy who has done well financially and is taking care of things. So what the hell were you thinking walking into a womens pity party in the first place? You knew the subject could get emotional for some of them, you knew there was going to be some TV jerk off looking to be the next Oprah and take advantage of people for TV ratings, you knew you were there to support her....... and......then your surprised at a bunch of women crying? Brother, with all due respect you walked into estrogen hell with your eyes wide open. While I feel for you, I think you need to own getting tied and drug to the fire on that deal..... I'da tucked tail and run till I couldn't hear her yelling at me any more. Hang in there man.

 

[jrassy]

I'm sure she is still your angel, just got caught up in the story of others that went thru hell like you both did. Your a fighter, your both survivors. The common ground is you both went into the group interview expecting something that didn't happen, turned into a mess. Talk with her,I'm sure she went thru a lot of shit while you and Mr Moriphine partied. I know my wife did when I was all fucked up. I don't know your whole story but if she has been there for you, you owe it to be there for her. You both got hoodwinked.good luck and well fuck me for butting in but you posted.
Set her down, crack open a bottle of Chardoney, talk, laugh at the disaster,and get over it.

 

[JSTARSZ]

First thing is men will never truly understand women, so don't try, just live your life and share in a partnership. Sometimes your goals are on the same path and it's great and other times it is a living hell. One thing I do know about women, sometimes they just have to share their feelings and cry. When that happens I try to put on my caring hat but really in my mind I am thinking, when I go to the range, don't forget the chronograph this time. She doesn't know what I am thinking but after 29 years of marriage I know how to look like I care. Then she gets over it and we can move on and I take the chronograph to the range this time and I blow off some steam. I don't talk, I go shoot.

Gimpy, that's the best pearls I can throw you on this subject. Each man has to figure out how to get through this world with his dignity intact while married. Sometimes they can make that real hard. Just act like you care and go do what you want and make her happy every now and again and you will survive. The one thing women do understand about us...we have limited feelings.

 

[SniperCJ]

...parkinsons...(and) he... has taken up boxing to help himself.

Anyone else see the contradiction there...?

 

[BozFour]

Anyone else see the contradiction there...?

He doesnt explain at what level or how assisted it is. He could be doing it from a chair or something like that. I've seen injured vets doing alot of different assisted sports.

 

[gimpy]

I've talked to her between meetings here this week, and we'll have to agree to disagree. My point about the money and such wasn't as an elitist asshole, as much as it was meant to show that I am highly-functional. This wasn't a talk show, it think it was 20/20. Perhaps that is why I assumed something different. If I'm lucky, the whole clip will be edited down to almost nothing.

 

[garandman]

First thing is men will never truly understand women, so don't try, just live your life and share in a partnership. .

I recently saw an internet thingy, that said....


"Don't try to understand women. Women understand other women. And they hate each other."

 

[Pester]

I did not phrase that well. I should have said 'boxing training'.

When I first heard the news about his having Parkinsons he was still Chief and wanted to keep it quiet until the diagnosis was confirmed and, assuming it was confirmed, he wanted to:

1. figure out how quickly and how it would manifest itself
2. get the dept in better shape before he stepped out

His symptoms came on quickly and the symptoms he struggled with were tied to balance, accuracy of movement and strength. He had some very invasive aggressive options that he put off in favor of therapy options. Training for boxing has really helped the severity of his symptoms by forcing him to move with purpose of direction and stand on his feet with lots of movement for upper and lower body at the same time. Measured progress but progress nonetheless.

I really respect this guy. He could have given up but every day he fights to be the best father and husband.

Anyone else see the contradiction there...?