Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
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Whoah...whoah...whoah..........no.
Well I can only say this.....and it is a bit of a downer so hang on.....
There is a difference between a dad and a father......father, one squirt and you are done....to be a dad you don't even need to do that. Same goes for mother and mom.....mother open legs twice....mom you don't even need to do that......Being a mom or dad takes a life time of work, it never ends, they can be 42 and they still come to you.....and not share one bit of DNA with "mom or dad".
My son is adopted, and like every kid (kid he is grown now) like every kid I wanted to kill him and hug him.....it was the best and worst thing I ever did.....what was I thinking and look at that. No difference.
One of the few things I climb on the soap box on......but from this little clip I am not going off on one end or the other.
I now return you to your regular scheduled programming.
I agree with everything that FPGT said, but if the dude in the picture is not the mom's "partner" and the kid isn't his, then he's a chump who she locked into the friend zone.
He's babysitting while she's out partying and getting nailed by some other dude.
He's babysitting while she's out partying and getting nailed by some other dude.
I caught a documentary on all that a couple years ago. If not for that I would certainly be oblivious.
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said "You died in your sleep, Ed".
Ed was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back... and that is as a chicken".
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad" replied Ed the hen "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never" said Ed.
"Well, just relax and let it happen" says the rooster. "It's no big deal".
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard...
"Ed, wake up! You've shit the bed!"
Getting OLD just aint what they said it would be!
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said "You died in your sleep, Ed".
Ed was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back... and that is as a chicken".
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad" replied Ed the hen "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never" said Ed.
"Well, just relax and let it happen" says the rooster. "It's no big deal".
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard...
"Ed, wake up! You've shit the bed!"
Getting OLD just aint what they said it would be!
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!" he protested.
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.."he's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others; about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Nope... just when it's raining".
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!" he protested.
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.."he's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others; about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Nope... just when it's raining".
If our Avatars were working like they 'use' to, this would be a good one.
GOVERNMENT NOTICE:
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal's) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends, so they will know what happened to you. I started to cry when I thought of you. Then it dawned on me; I'll see you on the damn bus.
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal's) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends, so they will know what happened to you. I started to cry when I thought of you. Then it dawned on me; I'll see you on the damn bus.
Shit that's a factory Cortina tool kit, just missing the, hammer, bailing wire and electrical tape.No, UK. You not funny...
The Red communist star on the hat and the star on the belt make excellent aiming points.
Bonus score if you can hit the red star on the hat and then tag the star on the belt before the confused communist hits the dirt.
Additional impacts showing artistic creativity will be scored in the event of a tie breaker.
Bonus score if you can hit the red star on the hat and then tag the star on the belt before the confused communist hits the dirt.
Additional impacts showing artistic creativity will be scored in the event of a tie breaker.
I say to aim for the balls but I don’t think he has any.
Half these idiots want to cut their balls off to be ugly "its", kind of ruins some of the fun that could be had during target shooting for style points.
It needs to put out of its misery!!!!! Even if it's a prank he should be killed.
And put the mechanic out of his job!No, UK. You not funny...
Armyjerry needs to empty the trash!
So...
I am supposed to take this seriously?
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