Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor

[Veer_G]

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I guess the US Chair Force can't spell worth a damn.

 

[2ndamendfan]

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While I am all for a good joke, maybe the coast guard should sit and pee.



Excellent marksmanship if you watch. ELR dream.

 

[EM92wx]

Kind of like when a Marine sees a Sailor piss and not wash his hands. He reply’s don’t they tell you to wash your hands after you piss? The sailor says they teach us to not piss on our hsnds. Ok

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[Veer_G]

View attachment 7212209

Yet more questionable wisdom from "downunda."

 

[sirhrmechanic]

 

[EddieNFL]

I guess the US Chair Force can't spell worth a damn.

Nah, we contract that out.

 

[Dirty D]

While I am all for a good joke, maybe the coast guard should sit and pee...

It’s OK bro, lots of guys get a 50 on the ASVAB.

 

[Jefe's Dope]

It’s OK bro, lots of guys get a 50 on the ASVAB.

<<< 99.

Just sayin'.

 

[Aries256]

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Gets popcorn ?

 

[BullGear]

We answered an add for a Chocolate Lab puppy for sale. When we arrived the dog was 11 months old, jumped on anyone that came near him and seemed to live most of his life in a crate. I was not going to leave this poor dog with this guy for another minute. We had to drive home (1 hour) with the windows open because he smelled like he had slept in his own waste for many nights. We got him home and changed his name to Bailey. The previous owner had his AKC paperwork, never registering the dog. It's been a LOT of work for these last 6+ years and he still likes to jump on new people, but calms down after a minute or two. But for the most part, we are happy with him.

First picture is 1 week after we brought him home. Second picture is him a couple of years ago and the last picture is from this past Fall.

 

[FS1]

We answered an add for a Chocolate Lab puppy for sale. When we arrived the dog was 11 months old, jumped on anyone that came near him and seemed to live most of his life in a crate. I was not going to leave this poor dog with this guy for another minute. We had to drive home (1 hour) with the windows open because he smelled like he had slept in his own waste for many nights. We got him home and changed his name to Bailey. The previous owner had his AKC paperwork, never registering the dog. It's been a LOT of work for these last 6+ years and he still likes to jump on new people, but calms down after a minute or two. But for the most part, we are happy with him.

First picture is 1 week after we brought him home. Second picture is him a couple of years ago and the last picture is from this past Fall.View attachment 7213525View attachment 7213526View attachment 7213527

Once you get past the Lab insanity they are great dogs. I like what the duck dynasty guy says about them. "Wives are like Labrador retrievers, they all have their quirks"

Mine

 

[BullGear]

Sorry, the Lab story was supposed to go in another thread. Nothing humorous about the way this dog lived his first 11 months.....

 

[Dirty D]

<<< 99.

Just sayin'.

 

[Mike Casselton]

We answered an add for a Chocolate Lab puppy for sale. When we arrived the dog was 11 months old, jumped on anyone that came near him and seemed to live most of his life in a crate. I was not going to leave this poor dog with this guy for another minute. We had to drive home (1 hour) with the windows open because he smelled like he had slept in his own waste for many nights. We got him home and changed his name to Bailey. The previous owner had his AKC paperwork, never registering the dog. It's been a LOT of work for these last 6+ years and he still likes to jump on new people, but calms down after a minute or two. But for the most part, we are happy with him.

First picture is 1 week after we brought him home. Second picture is him a couple of years ago and the last picture is from this past Fall.View attachment 7213525View attachment 7213526View attachment 7213527

Good on you guys. You can see from the first pic he's a happy dog.
I hate crates, but we've trained our dog to use one.
She knows whether she's going with us or not. If she's not going, she puts herself in the kennel.
If she's riding along, she gets that happy smile like your lab.

 

[Dirty D]

Sorry, the Lab story was supposed to go in another thread. Nothing humorous about the way this dog lived his first 11 months.....

Don’t apologize, adopting a badly abused dog was one of the best things that I ever did for my kids.

 

[EddieNFL]

We answered an add for a Chocolate Lab puppy for sale. When we arrived the dog was 11 months old, jumped on anyone that came near him and seemed to live most of his life in a crate. I was not going to leave this poor dog with this guy for another minute. We had to drive home (1 hour) with the windows open because he smelled like he had slept in his own waste for many nights. We got him home and changed his name to Bailey. The previous owner had his AKC paperwork, never registering the dog. It's been a LOT of work for these last 6+ years and he still likes to jump on new people, but calms down after a minute or two. But for the most part, we are happy with him.

First picture is 1 week after we brought him home. Second picture is him a couple of years ago and the last picture is from this past Fall.View attachment 7213525View attachment 7213526View attachment 7213527

We rescued this guy from a shelter about eight months ago. He was very timid and afraid of just about anything you had in your hand. We spent lots of time training and He gradually grew accustomed to us and acts as a dog should. He's still afraid of certain things, like Frisbees, but getting better every day.

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

We answered an add for a Chocolate Lab puppy for sale. When we arrived the dog was 11 months old, jumped on anyone that came near him and seemed to live most of his life in a crate. I was not going to leave this poor dog with this guy for another minute. We had to drive home (1 hour) with the windows open because he smelled like he had slept in his own waste for many nights. We got him home and changed his name to Bailey. The previous owner had his AKC paperwork, never registering the dog. It's been a LOT of work for these last 6+ years and he still likes to jump on new people, but calms down after a minute or two. But for the most part, we are happy with him.

First picture is 1 week after we brought him home. Second picture is him a couple of years ago and the last picture is from this past Fall.View attachment 7213525View attachment 7213526View attachment 7213527

I read somewhere that a dog will only sleep with it's belly exposed if it is totally at ease and feels protected or something like that.
I don't know how true it is but it sounded good.
That's a good looking dog.

 

[BullGear]

I read somewhere that a dog will only sleep with it's belly exposed if it is totally at ease and feels protected or something like that.
I don't know how true it is but it sounded good.
That's a good looking dog.

Yeah, he's a good dog. Smart as can be too. I've also heard that about how a dog sleeps. He's loved a lot by the wife and me, almost to the point of possibly being a little spoiled.

Thanks!

 

[BullGear]

We rescued this guy from a shelter about eight months ago. He was very timid and afraid of just about anything you had in your hand. We spent lots of time training and He gradually grew accustomed to us and acts as a dog should. He's still afraid of certain things, like Frisbees, but getting better every day.
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Keep up the good work. There's no telling what has happened to this pup before you rescued him. Just realize, he's already learned to love you, trust will come soon.

 

[ykrvak]

My buddy looking stressed. He was a rescue as well. We’ve had him a couple years now.

 

[EddieNFL]

I read somewhere that a dog will only sleep with it's belly exposed if it is totally at ease and feels protected or something like that.
I don't know how true it is but it sounded good.
That's a good looking dog.

How dogs sleep

 

[Claymorx]

 

[Claymorx]

 

[Maser]

This is pretty fitting:

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d491b1957e35ee77c24c14ecbd38d183

 

[Darayavaus]

yeah, I wouldn't be surprised....

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[Son of Dorn]

I was rereading a book of stories from USAAF, RAF, and Luftwaffe pilots from WWII and came across a verse of this song, attributed to Rudyard Kipling. So I went looking and found the rest:

Oh, the minstrels sing of an English king
Who lived long years ago,
And he ruled his land with an iron hand,
But his mind was weak and low.
He used to hunt the royal stag
Within the royal wood,
But better than this he loved the bliss
Of pulling his royal pud.

Chorus:

He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas.
His terrible tool hung to his knees.
God save the bastard king of England.

Now the Queen of Spain was an amorous dame,
A sprightly dame was she,
And she longed to fool with his majesty's tool
So far across the sea.
So she sent a royal message
With a royal messenger
Inviting the king to bring his ding
And spend the week with her.

When news of this reached Philip of France,
He swore before his court,
"The queen prefers my rival
Just because my dork is short."
So he sent the Duke of Zippity-Zap
To slip the queen a dose of clap
To pass it on to the bastard King of England.

When news of this foul, dastardly deed
Reached fair Windsor Hall
The king swore by the royal whore
He'd have the Frenchman's balls.
So he offered half his kingdom
And the hole of Queen Hortense
To any loyal Briton
Who would nut the King of France.

So the loyal Duke of Essexshire
Betook himself to France.
When he swore he was a fruitier,
The king took down his royal pants.
Then around his prong he tied a thong,
Leaped on his horse and galloped along,
Dragging the Frenchman
Back to England

Now the king threw up his breakfast,
And he shit all over the floor,
For during the ride, the Frenchman's pride
Had stretched a yard or more.
And all the maids of England
Came down to London town,
And shouted round the battlements,
"To hell with the British crown."

Last chorus:

So the King of France usurped the throne.
His sceptre was his royal bone.
Hail to the bastard King of England.

 

[Claymorx]

 

[Claymorx]

 

[sirhrmechanic]

 

[Kamerad]

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They mis-spelled Florida.

 

[Kamerad]

 

[EddieNFL]

They mis-spelled Florida.

You misspelled "misspelled." No hyphen. Florida resident?

 

[david walter]

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there....

You misspelled "misspelled." No hyphen. Florida resident?

 

[Kamerad]

You misspelled "misspelled." No hyphen. Florida resident?

Hahahahaha!!! I’ll own that. I stared at it for a few seconds and moved on.

ETA: Jefferson Co Washington might count as NW Florida, not to steal the Florida limelight or anything.

 

[Badfinger]

 

[Kamerad]

 

[502Chevelle]

Damn i didnt need to see that.

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

 

[Dirty D]

Damn i didnt need to see that.

Yes you did sailor. ?

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

 

[Winningdog]

View attachment 7218899

That's more California camouflage, they run in herds.

 

[hermosabeach]

That's more California camouflage, they run in herds.

when the riots happened the korean gas station owners boarded up their windows an spray painted black owned business on the plywood


cheating is fair in fights

 

[Kamerad]

 

[Claymorx]

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[EddieNFL]

when the riots happened the korean gas station owners boarded up their windows an spray painted black owned business on the plywood


cheating is fair in fights

If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'.