Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
- Thread starter Duc
- Start date
Even I have pride.
All that and he got a Taurus
With greatest respect to your sick sense of humor.... And it is worthy.
Those were all old c. 2015.
C'mon... this is Socially Unacceptable. Don't be a one-hit wonder! Bring us something new!
Sirhr!
Going to Hell for this one. Again. Yet again. Gonna totally own that place.
Cheers,
Sirhr
How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
Throw ‘em a basketball.
Throw ‘em a basketball.
Buddy: What did you get your girlfriend for Valentine's day?
Me: A box of chocolates and a dildo.
Buddy: A dildo?
Me: If she doesn't like the box of chocolates she can go fuck herself.
Me: A box of chocolates and a dildo.
Buddy: A dildo?
Me: If she doesn't like the box of chocolates she can go fuck herself.
Probably going to Hell for this one......
So, aliens from Mars come down to Earth and they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the Pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen" the Pope starts to ask "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The Pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The Pope exclaims "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the Pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate".
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
So, aliens from Mars come down to Earth and they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the Pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen" the Pope starts to ask "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The Pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The Pope exclaims "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the Pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate".
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
If that was just an evil way to get us all to keep looking at those hairy balls for another page of posts, I hope the flees of a thousand camels infest you...
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied....
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied....
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
How many internet forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?
13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?
13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...
@1J04 - My new manager started today.
I sent that to her right after I saw it. She laughed her butt off.
And told me to not crop dust her office..... no idea where she got the idea I might do that?
We are old friends, church, shoot, and drink whiskey together.
Her husband is one of my buddies too.
So, she knows of all my orneriness.....
I sent that to her right after I saw it. She laughed her butt off.
And told me to not crop dust her office..... no idea where she got the idea I might do that?
We are old friends, church, shoot, and drink whiskey together.
Her husband is one of my buddies too.
So, she knows of all my orneriness.....
You know why Stevie Wonder is always smiling---- Nobody told him he's black.
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