Maggie’s Sven and Ole

[vwhugger]

Sven and Ole

Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walks by asks what they were doing.

"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, " said Sven, "but ve don't haff a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.

Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

Ole shook his head and laughed. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!"

 

[pdogsbeware]

Re: Sven and Ole


Ole and Sven went on an expensive fishing trip
and returned with only one fish.

"The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400," said Sven.

"Vell," replied Ole, "At dat price it's a good ting
we didn't catch any more."



Ole is sitting at home alone when he
hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there.

He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
Ole says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife, Lena.
The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Ole says, "Ya, I know, but che's got a great personality, and che's an vonder'vull cook. "




A hooded robber burst into a northern Minnesota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly to afraid to speak

Then, one old Norwegian named Ole quickly his hand and said, "My wife, Lena, che got a purdy good look at'cha."

 

[pdogsbeware]

Re: Sven and Ole

Can you tell I love Sven and Ole jokes? haha I love listening to the old timers when they tell them with the correct accent!



Ole was hired to paint the yellow stripe down the highway.
His first day he painted ten miles.

The second day he only painted five miles.

His boss, thinking that he was getting slower because he had started off too hard on the first day, decided to give him a day off to rest.

But when Ole came back to work the next day,

he only painted half a mile.

So his boss asked, "Excuse me, but why have you been painting less and less each day, even after I gave you a day off?"

"Simple, " Ole answered.

"I've been getting furder and furder avay from da paint can!"






Ole Computer Terms

Log On: Making da wood stove hotter

Log Off: Don't add no more wood

Monitor: Keepin an eye on da wood

Download: Getting da wood off da truck

Megahertz: Ven yer not careful getting da firewood

Floppy Disk: Vat yew get from trying tew carry tew much wood

Ram: Dat ting dat splits da wood

Hard Drive: Getting home in da winter time in the snow

Prompt: Vat da mail ain't in da winter time

Windows: Vat yew shut when it's cold outside

Screen: Vat yew shut vens it's black fly season

Byte: Vat dem dang black flies do

Chip: Munchies fer da TV

Microchip:Vats in da bottom of da munchies bag

Modem: Vat yew did tew da hay fields

Keyboard: Where yew hang da keys

Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knives

Mouse: Vat eats da grain in da barn

Mainframe: Holds up da barn roof

Port: Fancy wine

Random Access Memory: Ven yew can't remember vat yew paid fer da rifle, ven yer wife asks

 

[eclipse57]

Re: Sven and Ole

Sven and Olga had dated for years and years.

Sven finally got up the courage to ask Olga to marry him.

Olga happily answered yes, but informed Sven that he would have to follow old world tradition and ask her Poppa for her hand in marriage.

A dinner date was set for a few nights later. Sven came over and asked Olga's poppa for her hand in marriage.

Poppa replied of course. He then asked Olga if she had told Sven about her condition?

Sven replied what condition?

Olga replied that she had acute angina.

Sven replied thank goodness, cause you sure got ugly tits!

 

[Gildoom]

Re: Sven and Ole

Oh absolutely awesome, half norge and half swede here, pure funny there.

 

[Dirty D]

Re: Sven and Ole

I never would have appreciated these jokes but I was stationed with a guy that told us he was a yooper (UP) and sounded like a younger version of the Swedish Chef.

It all comes together now.

 

[InsidetheStorm]

Re: Sven and Ole

Eets eh scheeekin... Bork Bork Bork.

 

[hankpac]

Re: Sven and Ole

Ole and Olaf decided to start a construction company, and worked hard at it the first day. They decided to take a lunch break, and set their tools on the porch of the restaurant. When they came out, Oles Says,
"Yumpin Yimanee, someone took half our tools!
Olaf says "Which did they take, the hammer or the saw?"

 

[cmh2007]

Re: Sven and Ole

that sounds like some kind of coonass joke