The 'heres a little known embarassing fact about me' thread

[powdahound76]

@Geno C. - he just posted beach pics of one in the last couple weeks.
it was her butt, and I thought it was the same one from cali?

@clcustom1911 - am I wrong?

I dated a hottie 1/2 mexican gal for a minute.
she was the only child and daughter of well off folks. Too Spoiled.
she was 115 lbs and built like holy smokes.

too shallow and too bitchy. Couldnt handle it after a bit.

 

[Geno C.]

I’ve believe I’ve seen a pic or 2 he’s posted...

 

[Redmanss]

Paid a stripper to put her clothes back on. Cost me three bottles of patron silver to keep from getting my face pushed in.

I tried to pay her to put her clothes back on too. Cost me around one mil, and she still didn’t keep them on. Now I just pay her to shut her whore mouth.

 

[Geno C.]

I tried to pay her to put her clothes back on too. Cost me around one mil, and she still didn’t keep them on. Now I just pay her to shut her whore mouth.

Sounds like you’re doing it wrong

 

[Dirty D]

I call bullshit! You know you’re going to get stabbed to death by a spicy Latin woman

FIFY

 

[Dirty D]

Just in case any of you bitches thought I was kidding.

and all the gear queers recoiled in horror!

 

[Mischievous]

Sounds like you’re doing it wrong

Dad always said, "son, two important things in life......a condom and a prenup." Single and no sleep overs, they're out by 2am.

 

[Redmanss]

Sounds like you’re doing it wrong

It’s illegal to do it right.

 

[ForgeValley]

Last time I did tequila shots I woke up laying sideways in my bathtub covered in vomit and a huge bruise on my ass holding a breadstick from Carrabba's. The rest of the breadsticks were gone out of my fridge and I'm pretty sure the guy who made sure I got home stole them.

Good news is I was still clothed and the bruise on my ass was from falling down on the curb on the way home.

Still not sure if that guy was gay.

I no longer drink tequila.

True story.

 

[theLBC]

csb re: hookers
was in vegas with my older brothers once, and saw thing gorgeous woman in an evening dress all alone.
being as innocent as i am, i was puzzled that such a creature would be alone in the early morning hours.
my bothers laughed at my naivete and told me if i had $1000 i could have sex with her.
omg. i was smitten, but besides the moral implications, i didn't have $1000. and i was a chicken shit.
so i confidently claimed i wouldn't do it, even if i had $1000, which i didn't.
and my brothers offered to pay.

so i am sitting on the chair in my hotel room, choking the chicken furiously...
and this heavenly creature is staring at me from her seat on the bed...
"why are you doing that when your brothers are paying for me?" she asks honestly.
"for $1000", i replied, "you're not getting the easy one."

/csb
//wish it was true, but my brothers aren't that cool.

 

[uffduh]

Just in case any of you bitches thought I was kidding.

View attachment 7406074

and all the gear queers recoiled in horror!

Is that able to handle the recoil of your airsoft m4?

 

[clcustom1911]

I call bullshit! You know you’re going to find a spicy Latin woman again

Local girl. Gonna be a Messican. No island people allowed anymore.

 

[clcustom1911]

@Geno C. - he just posted beach pics of one in the last couple weeks.
it was her butt, and I thought it was the same one from cali?

@clcustom1911 - am I wrong?

I dated a hottie 1/2 mexican gal for a minute.
she was the only child and daughter of well off folks. Too Spoiled.
she was 115 lbs and built like holy smokes.

too shallow and too bitchy. Couldnt handle it after a bit.

You are correct. She Latina and mega hotttt

 

[TheGerman]

I married a Cuban gal for my first wife....


Didn't learn


Married a Cuban gal for my second wife....

Learned....



Single.

You're gonna get stabbed.

 

[Geno C.]

You're gonna get stabbed.

Only if he sort of fucks up

 

[oneshot86]

i dont think theres any way around it, homeboy is getting stitches.
like a latin woman ISNT getting hyped up, then she blabs to her mom
2 sets of stitches

 

[Alphatreedog]

Last time I did tequila shots I woke up laying sideways in my bathtub covered in vomit and a huge bruise on my ass holding a breadstick from Carrabba's. The rest of the breadsticks were gone out of my fridge and I'm pretty sure the guy who made sure I got home stole them.

Good news is I was still clothed and the bruise on my ass was from falling down on the curb on the way home.

Still not sure if that guy was gay.

I no longer drink tequila.

True story.

I would wear that as a badge of honor . I once woke up on New Years Day naked in front of the fireplace in a strange house with the flu open . I shit you n9t when I say I was fuckin blue .

 

[Gregor.Samsa]

I kissed hooker in TJ when I was 12!

 

[Son of Dorn]

I kissed hooker in TJ when I was 12!

There are probably worse things you could have kissed in TJ, regardless of age.

 

[FjallJager]

I'm a Wyomingite (now)... what more do you need to know?
Plus I was really popular with girls....
Don't be a hater man.
I still have my first wife wanting to hit me up for a quicky here or there and have not seen her in 35 years. She stalked me on social media....

You are not a Wyomingite unless you were born there.

You will never been a Wyomingite unless you know all the sheep fucker jokes made about Montanans. But honestly Wyoming always had more sheep, and Texas has a 100 times more sheep. So mostly I just make fun of Texans. I live in New Mexico now, these people hate Texans with a passion. Almost as much as everyone else in the west hates Californians.

 

[Threadcutter308]

Only if he sort of fucks up

Nope, das cherman is right. Doesn’t matter what he does or doesn’t do, it’s just a matter of time.....

 

[Threadcutter308]

csb re: hookers
was in vegas with my older brothers once, and saw thing gorgeous woman in an evening dress all alone.
being as innocent as i am, i was puzzled that such a creature would be alone in the early morning hours.
my bothers laughed at my naivete and told me if i had $1000 i could have sex with her.
omg. i was smitten, but besides the moral implications, i didn't have $1000. and i was a chicken shit.
so i confidently claimed i wouldn't do it, even if i had $1000, which i didn't.
and my brothers offered to pay.

so i am sitting on the chair in my hotel room, choking the chicken furiously...
and this heavenly creature is staring at me from her seat on the bed...
"why are you doing that when your brothers are paying for me?" she asks honestly.
"for $1000", i replied, "you're not getting the easy one."

/csb
//wish it was true, but my brothers aren't that cool.

Style points awarded....

 

[Soulezoo]

You are not a Wyomingite unless you were born there.

You will never been a Wyomingite unless you know all the sheep fucker jokes made about Montanans. But honestly Wyoming always had more sheep, and Texas has a 100 times more sheep. So mostly I just make fun of Texans. I live in New Mexico now, these people hate Texans with a passion. Almost as much as everyone else in the west hates Californians.

I live at the base of Sheep Mountain.

 

[MtnCreek]

I know a coonass that got his skull cracked with an iron skillet by a Columbia chick. She stole all the cash he had in the house and left. They were engaged at the time. Stay away from the crazy Latinas.

 

[clcustom1911]

I’ve believe I’ve seen a pic or 2 he’s posted...

Stalker

 

[clcustom1911]

You're gonna get stabbed.

Does she look like a stabby stabby?

 

[XP1K]

I once met a real live German.

Me too. I was working at a Harley dealership and an old man came in on a sportster wearing what looked like an old pair of old fighter pilot goggles and a leather cap. I made the comment about what they looked like and he said that's exactly what they were.

We got to talking and come to find out he was in fact a German fighter pilot in WW2. He defected to the US during the war. Flew in with a group of B-24 bombers.

 

[FjallJager]

Does she look like a stabby stabby?View attachment 7406229

Yes every day!

 

[jakelly]

Yes. Yes, she looks like a stabber.

 

[Maggot]

CavScout85 said:
Last time I did tequila shots I woke up laying sideways in my bathtub covered in vomit and a huge bruise on my ass holding a breadstick from Carrabba's. The rest of the breadsticks were gone out of my fridge and I'm pretty sure the guy who made sure I got home stole them.

Good news is I was still clothed and the bruise on my ass was from falling down on the curb on the way home.

Still not sure if that guy was gay.

I no longer drink tequila.

True story.
Click to expand...

I would wear that as a badge of honor . I once woke up on New Years Day naked in front of the fireplace in a strange house with the flu open . I shit you n9t when I say I was fuckin blue .


==========================

Blue he says.

I asked a friend going to Mexico to bring be a bottle of tequila. Instead she brings me a liter bottle of Mescal, the cheap, home made, shit with the worm. We're having poker game when it arrives so I crack it, took a deep swig, and passed it around the table. Every body smelled it and passed so over a couple hours playng cards I polished off the liter. I felt freat until I stood up, then everything swirled and holy shit. I dont remember it but am told I knee walked 50 yds back to my place then threw up hard enough to put out a large gas spaceheater and passed out in the vomit. Fortunately one of the sober ones came to check on me and found me blue, face down int he vomit and space heater still running. They drug me outside and the fresh air revived me but I thin another minute or two and it would have been adios Maggot. Got over the blue cover pretty quick but stayed green around the edges for several days. That was 45 years ago and I still cant drink Meacal. Feeling a bit queasy right now remembering it.

 

[Mischievous]

Yes. Yes, she looks like stabber.

I think she keeps the knife in her boots, and her one arm looks to be reaching around his back for his wallet!

 

[1911hombre]

When I was about five years old, my mom took me on a short train ride to Little Falls, MN. We were going to see Charles Lindbergh's house. We didn't have running water on the farm yet, and I was baffled by the porcelain urinals on the wall in the depot's rest room, but I really had to poop, sooo..... I sat down in one and dropped a deuce. About three different men walked in during the course of my mission; one laughed and a couple shook their heads. I looked back at them with that same look a dog uses when he's shitting and you make eye contact with him. Sheepish but unapologetic.

 

[MtnCreek]

Does she look like a stabby stabby?View attachment 7406229

That's the "I'll kill you while you sleep look".

I suggest getting a Pentecostal farm girl that grew up poor. If she ever gets out of hand and needs a beating, she won't hold it against you.

 

[thejeep]

We used to start the evening on one side of the river and then walk the cat walk over the top of the bridge exoskeleton and proceed on to get hammered on the other side of the river.

well on a solo run I passed out on top of the counter weight. Woke up at sunrise the next day.

 

[clcustom1911]

That's the "I'll kill you while you sleep look".

I suggest getting a Pentecostal farm girl that grew up poor. If she ever gets out of hand and needs a beating, she won't hold it against you.

I laugh, but, I know you definitely have a point.

 

[uffduh]

When I was about five years old, my mom took me on a short train ride to Little Falls, MN. We were going to see Charles Lindbergh's house. We didn't have running water on the farm yet, and I was baffled by the porcelain urinals on the wall in the depot's rest room, but I really had to poop, sooo..... I sat down in one and dropped a deuce. About three different men walked in during the course of my mission; one laughed and a couple shook their heads. I looked back at them with that same look a dog uses when he's shitting and you make eye contact with him. Sheepish but unapologetic.

Had a similar moment when my dad moved to new company and it wasn’t obvious that the hand washing trough wasn’t a big ole urinal.

 

[charnicus]

I’ve always wondered if FDF (First Date Farts) was a medical condition.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Sammy Davis Jr. is my spirit animal....

sirhr

 

[hlee]

Does she look like a stabby stabby?

Not to pile on, but YES!

And, keep her away from tortilla chips...

 

[clcustom1911]

Not to pile on, but YES!

And, keep her away from tortilla chips...

I live my own life so, piling on is inconsequential.


She doesn't do a whole Lotta processed carbs.

 

[Keel Haul]

I used to be first in line for Hog Call at Mildenhall AB.

We’ve probably been in the same women.

 

[clcustom1911]

You're gonna get stabbed.

Modern medicine is awesome.

Amiright? @powdahound76

 

[TheGerman]

Does she look like a stabby stabby?View attachment 7406229

Even the sign knows youre going to get your pickle stabbed.

 

[clcustom1911]

Even the sign knows youre going to get your pickle stabbed.

You made a post about soccer so....

 

[Snipe260]

I call bullshit! You know you’re going to find a spicy Latin woman again

Nah! He couldnt compete with them cigars!

 

[oneshot86]

You are not a Wyomingite unless you were born there.

You will never been a Wyomingite unless you know all the sheep fucker jokes made about Montanans. But honestly Wyoming always had more sheep, and Texas has a 100 times more sheep. So mostly I just make fun of Texans. I live in New Mexico now, these people hate Texans with a passion. Almost as much as everyone else in the west hates Californians.

god bless america

 

[JeffLebowski]

Only rule is that it has to be true.

I played the original Everquest like it was my fucking job, during college. I'm talking like hours a day, everyday and scheduling shit I did around raid times.


eta - I then dated (briefly; thanks you fucking Albanians) a female olympic gold medalist swimmer ~ 2 years later, so that evens shit out.

pics of swimmer or lies.

 

[supercorndogs]

Ok. I really didn't want to fess up to this. I wanted everyone to think my shooting equipment is top notch. I use top their scopes, bipods, stalks, shoot Bergers, and use VV powders and drive a Unimog but its not true. You have probably seen me or at least heard tail of my feats. You know that hippie who shows up to matches with his 270 Tasco world class, and flip flops. The guy who cleans out match after match and rides away into the sunset with the swag, trophy, and the girl as mysteriously as he appeared. I know you have all heard of me, now you know who i am.

 

[Slab74]

Jim Beam and Coke is my daily after work cocktail. It’s shameful I know, but I do enjoy it. I enjoy drinking like a poor during the week, keeps me grounded. Weekends are a whole other ballgame.

 

[Maggot]

Ya'll a sick bunch of MoFo's. Probably why I feel right at home here.