The nightmares of Christmas

[BuildingConceptsllc]

Um, they’re 4 and 5. You’re just going to have to take my word that they’re pretty well behaved and that we have plenty of people tell us that they’re well behaved. I’m not re-hashing the same bullshit argument from last night with you

Even well behaved kids are kids. I know all too well. My boys are very well behaved because I require it. That said, they aren't perfect and they get loud and too excited at times, especially Christmas. They are kids. Kids are going to be kids. People thay aren't around kids regularly just can't take the constant motion and ruckus that ALL little boys bring to the table. Of course, most family can endure it for a time and we try to make sure we stay on top of things and don't let them bother people. It takes some effort from both sides I don't care how well behaved they are. Sounds to me like there is some history here and the kids were just the catalyst. I can for sure relate that! Glad you were able to keep your cool, it's not easy to do sometimes.

 

[poke_53]

I totally feel ya bro. My 6 year old and his little brother (2) are just non freaking stop ALL DAY LONG! They are my kids so.....

Crazy isn’t it? I barely have time to get on here and buy stuff.

 

[Sniperwannabee]

At least you have a family.

Your in the same boat as me

what! We are your family

 

[vinniedelpino]

As much as I hate Christmas, it's always exciting to have the family together under the same roof. Attendees include:

1. A father in law who's a violent felon, has served hard time and drinks like a sailor.
2. A great aunt who used to be a nun, but left the convent with her lesbian lover (also a former nun.)
3. A wildly racist Italian uncle that's old enough not to give a fuck about anything. (My cousin brought his Mexican girlfriend.)
4. A cousin that got divorced and went directly into drunken THOT mode.
5. A homeless, heroin addicted brother in law. (Didn't show again this year. Might be dead.)
6. My brother in law's 6'9" super gay childhood friend that doesn't have any family and still attends holidays, funerals and family events.

My family should have their own reality TV show. We're the most normal of the bunch, as hard to believe as that is.

 

[madppcs]

what! We are your family

Actually your right! I stand corrected!

 

[Skeptic1]

Now see..... I am one of those people that love being around children, even the rambunctious ones...... even your kids at my house running around breaking shit...... especially at Christmas time!
There is an exception however........ if your kid is over the age of, let's say 12, and he/she is acting like they're 7.
It is at that point where there is a problem.

 

[Blue Sky Country]

I totally feel ya bro. My 6 year old and his little brother (2) are just non freaking stop ALL DAY LONG! They are my kids so.....

Give them Nerf blasters and have them focus their energy into target shooting. First cardboard targets close up, and when they had knocked these down, the next wave of targets will be across the room, then down the hall, and finally, in the yard and they have to get them from indoors firing from the ground windows. Set scenarios, like they have to rescue the damsel in distress and kill the baddies guarding the castle. They will not be able to resist trying to finish all of the quests laid out for them and develop a good sense for timely task completion, marksmanship, and competition all at the same time.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

don't forget to tape a Sharpie to the bottom of the barrel, for these Nerf-Gun fights. That way, when you run out of ammo and have to switch to bayonets, all can see who won and who lost.

I don't recommend 'butt-strokes' though... the plastic just don't hold-up.

 

[Bigfatcock]

I spit game at butterfaces in Target.

 

[BuildingConceptsllc]

Give them Nerf blasters and have them focus their energy into target shooting. First cardboard targets close up, and when they had knocked these down, the next wave of targets will be across the room, then down the hall, and finally, in the yard and they have to get them from indoors firing from the ground windows. Set scenarios, like they have to rescue the damsel in distress and kill the baddies guarding the castle. They will not be able to resist trying to finish all of the quests laid out for them and develop a good sense for timely task completion, marksmanship, and competition all at the same time.

Not a bad idea

 

[The D]

I spit game at butterfaces in Target.

Yeah, we know. But did your holiday plans involve any family drama?

 

[Bigfatcock]

Yeah, we know. But did your holiday plans involve any family drama?

No.

 

[Bender]

I spit game at butterfaces in Target.

Good sir, this statement is proof the internet has ruined me, because I understood exactly what you said.

 

[Short-bus]

Went to my parents (that raised me) for christmas eve. My brother and his wife of 26 years came, and she brought her miserable excuse of a human being sister. This miserable cunt is as wide as she is tall, and she has a nearly 3 year old that she was feeding soda, and coffee that she had with some miserable man with no other options. This fucking cunt once called my dad late one evening to tell him she had my son. The only problem, is that I've never participated in the one key thing necessary to make a baby, and to boot, I was not even in the same state when she found some dipshit that had no other option than to stick his dick in stupid. I was merrily boning my now wife at the time, who even today after 2 kids, a stroke, and 25 years of time passage is still a solid 8pts more attractive and desirable than the land whale sister in laws sister. My wife even went on a rant about the fucking disgusting nature of the waste if resources. People like her, make me think that licensing requirements to have children maybe arent so bad.

Branden

 

[Maser]

Who the hell still uses the term "hooligans"?

 

[wvfarrier]

Ours was mild.....water line busted inside the drywall

 

[The D]

No.

Lucky you. Cheers to a good holiday season

 

[bigdaddydmd]

No yelling, just some competitive trash talk and butt hurt after family game night. just an FYI, not a good idea to play monopoly on Christmas eve.

This is annual tradition at my house. There is nothing better than whupping my teenage and now adult kids at Monopoly and shit talking until the wee hours of the morn. Winner of the annual contest gets to write their name, the year, and some smart ass comment re: the game in the lid of the box. That list is growing and the kids will someday get that old monopoly box with a registry of every game we have played so they can continue doing the same with their kids. We sometimes bust that bad boy out on New Years Eve also.

 

[The D]

This is annual tradition at my house. There is nothing better than whupping my adult kids at Monopoly and shit talking until the wee hours of the morn. Winner of the annual contest gets to write their name, the year, and some smart ass comment re: the game in the lid of the box. That list is growing and the kids will someday get that old monopoly box with a registry of every game we have played so they can continue doing the same with their kids. We sometimes bust that bad boy out on New Years Eve also.

Hmmm, this is a great idea

 

[BCP]

I spit game at butterfaces in Target.

It's more fun to do it at Wal-Mart.

 

[Plinker 73]

Had a great Christmas ! Our kids family have a Great Lake house big enough for all to gather and stay the weekend if wanted. They are very generous people. The usual passel of youngungs
from 4 months to 25+years. Played dirty Santa ( great fun) and a few adult libations. Best of all my self centered , left wing ,moron of a bil did not come missed my sister though. A great time was had by all.

 

[2aBaC̶a̶]

This is annual tradition at my house. There is nothing better than whupping my adult kids at Monopoly and shit talking until the wee hours of the morn. Winner of the annual contest gets to write their name, the year, and some smart ass comment re: the game in the lid of the box. That list is growing and the kids will someday get that old monopoly box with a registry of every game we have played so they can continue doing the same with their kids. We sometimes bust that bad boy out on New Years Eve also.

Ive actually thought about that after writing the post. may have inadvertently started a new tradition.

 

[Aftermath]

Ours was mild.....water line busted inside the drywall
View attachment 8031199

At least you can get some exercise with that machine finally. You are going to have to move it.

 

[wvfarrier]

I prefer to run outside. The wife uses her elliptical....its just sitting there

 

[bigdaddydmd]

Ive actually thought about that after writing the post. may have inadvertently started a new tradition.

It's a hoot. Have some drinks, talk mad shit, destroy my children at Monopoly. They cherish it when they manage to eek out a win and get to put their name in the box because they know they earned it. I take no prisoners and mopp the floor with them, even when they try and team up against their old man.

It's even funnier now that the youngest is 20 so everyone gets to enjoy libations and have a merry old time. Hell, even my son's new wife gets in on the games and she is shown just as much mercy, which is zero.

 

[Doc68]

Last year was my fuckery with in laws and family. Won't ever go back. Fuck them. If they want to see the grand kids they can come out here.

Doc

 

[The D]

Last year was my fuckery with in laws and family. Won't ever go back. Fuck them. If they want to see the grand kids they can come out here.

Doc

I’m not sure my wife will let her dad stay at our house, I definitely don’t want him. At some point in the distant future we may be able to set up a play date

 

[Doc68]

I’m not sure my wife will let her dad stay at our house, I definitely don’t want him. At some point in the distant future we may be able to set up a play date

Oh I never said they would be staying at my house. They can get a fucking hotel.

Doc

 

[The D]

Oh I never said they would be staying at my house. They can get a fucking hotel.

Doc

My mil is fine and would be welcome any time. It would be the ultimate kick in the nuts if she stayed with us but fil had to get his own hotel room. That would be hilarious

 

[Maggot]

"Those given great power have a responsibility to use it wisely. So send something epic!" -- Descartes

Sirhr

Did you hear about how Rene' died?

He was having a discussion with someone who made a false statement and replied "I think not." and poof he was gone.

Speaking of nightmare Xmas....from the recent storm...Til hell freezes over

 

[Maggot]

This is annual tradition at my house. There is nothing better than whupping my teenage and now adult kids at Monopoly and shit talking until the wee hours of the morn. Winner of the annual contest gets to write their name, the year, and some smart ass comment re: the game in the lid of the box. That list is growing and the kids will someday get that old monopoly box with a registry of every game we have played so they can continue doing the same with their kids. We sometimes bust that bad boy out on New Years Eve also.

At the risk of losing my man card, Ill say "Thats really sweet." Making generational memories.

 

[roostercogburn98]

At the risk of losing my man card, Ill say "Thats really sweet." Making generational memories.

You have a man card?

 

[Emerson0311]

I always thought my wife’s family was the one that didn’t GAF. Had good Christmas with the wife and kids at the BIL/FIL house (both divorced). Not a single one of my formerly caring seeming family members reached out to us in any way. I stopped reaching after getting slaughtered on the phone a few times lately. Ah well, at least they don’t live close.

 

[roostercogburn98]

I always thought my wife’s family was the one that didn’t GAF. Had good Christmas with the wife and kids at the BIL/FIL house (both divorced). Not a single one of my formerly caring seeming family members reached out to us in any way. I stopped reaching after getting slaughtered on the phone a few times lately. Ah well, at least they don’t live close.

Best way to find out your true friends! Go radio silent for a couple weeks and see who reaches out

 

[CMP70306]

Well damn, this thread and the experiences a couple of my coworkers had with their family really makes me appreciate how mundane and uneventful our Christmas is. Other than my mom stressing about having 40+ people over on Christmas Eve, like she does every year despite being the same thing we have done for the last 30 years, we really had no issues and everyone had a great time at my parents on Christmas Eve and at my Aunt and Uncle’s on Christmas Day. We didn’t have any issues and my future in-laws get along great with my side of the family.

The only down side is that somebody did bring an illness though as a few people who were at the party are now sick with a cough and some other flu like symptoms though me and the fiancé seem to have gotten away unscathed.

 

[Maggot]

You have a man card?

I rent one.

 

[UKDslayer]

 

[UKDslayer]

NJ couple quarreled before wife allegedly killed husband on Christmas

A New Jersey couple were in an altercation before Marylue Wigglesworth allegedly gunned down her husband in their bedroom on Christmas evening, according to a news report.

www.foxnews.com

 

[The D]

You have a man card?

I have two. My guns and scotch

Well damn, this thread and the experiences a couple of my coworkers had with their family really makes me appreciate how mundane and uneventful our Christmas is. Other than my mom stressing about having 40+ people over on Christmas Eve, like she does every year despite being the same thing we have done for the last 30 years, we really had no issues and everyone had a great time at my parents on Christmas Eve and at my Aunt and Uncle’s on Christmas Day. We didn’t have any issues and my future in-laws get along great with my side of the family.

The only down side is that somebody did bring an illness though as a few people who were at the party are now sick with a cough and some other flu like symptoms though me and the fiancé seem to have gotten away unscathed.

My side of our family is pretty even keeled. And, actually, her side is not really too bad. Her dad is the worst by far and a distant second is her sister.

At our wedding(A destination wedding in Aspen, Colorado. A long way from both sides) both sides only had one argument each. Everything else went down perfectly

 

[WaltHer]

So, Thanksgiving hits. ILs tell us that they are coming for the week of Christmas from WA State. No consultation, checking with us about work schedules-nothing. Fuck. MIL/Fil getting older so they can't easily navigate the stairs to our basement where the guest room is. Fuck, I guess I'm living downstairs for a week now. Got my ass handed to me at work Christmas Eve night, get home, and "home" is already filled with the WA State SMUG. FIL is sitting at my chair in the kitchen- he knows it's where I always sit, so he makes sure to grab that shit every time. I go sleep for a couple of hours (mostly to hide and not start any shit first thing on baby-Jesus's birthday.
Finally, get up, and get the mandatory lecture on environment meets holiday season. Platitudes are served in response to wife's cooking-serving-cleaning up after breakfast, with the requisite milquetoast "is there anything we can do to help?" [Internal voice] "Yeah, how about checking with us before booking your plane tickets next time?" Fuck. Take a short nap, and wake up to find that B/FIL has now taken my chair from kitchen into my [now their] bedroom so that he has a "place to sit." Fuck?
Yeah, I can't stand small talk. So looking for middle ground, I try the "if we want hydrocarbon-free energy for all these electric everythings the .gov wants [is mandating], we are going to have to look at nuclear, specifically small modular reactors." "Wut" says boomer/father-in-law? So I lay out SMR shit for him, and immediately regret it. [Insert long-winded dialog on Hanford, 3MI, Fukushima, even Chernobyl pt.1/pt.2] "Yeah, but SMRs ain't your FILs nuclear reactor...the only options I see are we all take a plunge in the standard of living, or there's a lot less of us (and we all take a plunge in the standard of living)." "Well, I don't know about that" -B/FIL. Now I get it, B/FIL and MIL are both nestled up to Social Security and as such the .gov can do no wrong. Fuck. I almost have a @Wade moment hating on them so much. But then realize that somehow/somewhere, I am personally stealing from Wade while helping kill Americans, I resign myself to self-loathing and my hypocrisy. Fuck.
FF to dinner- I cook tenderloins for everyone, with fixings (directly paid for by Wade's taxes, I guess). Anyway, MIL drops the "this isn't a traditional XMAS dinner." Fuck. I hate turkey and didn't want to smoke a prime rib for four people, two who don't eat much, but one who sure fucking complains a lot. Couple of friends/neighbors show up. Thank you, baby-Jesus, thank you. Neighbor fucks up and tries to strike up conversation with B/FIL and MIL on how jacked-up the WA/country is. He misses my Ixnay on that, and a short diatribe on the virtues of liberal virtues ensues, followed by awkward silence. Well, fuck. Is there more EH Taylor down there somewhere?
FF 4 more days of being held hostage in my own house, off to the air-fucking-port, finally. Mom died in June so I say, "having you two here really helped take my mind off mom being gone." Olive branch, right? Kinda true, hey, it's Christmas, right? "We sure had a great time" they say. [Yeah, no shit, you got waited on hand-and-foot, all airport transfers included.] "We'll be back this summer!" "Fuck.No. Fuckno!" I scream in my head.

Hey, I know there are no broken TVs, alcoholics (except me, worse now than before), felons, or screaming well-behaved kids, but the dysfunction is real. The struggle is real. Thanks for letting me vent, fellas. Now, back to stealing from Wade and helping kill Americans. I guess.

 

[Emerson0311]

So, Thanksgiving hits. ILs tell us that they are coming for the week of Christmas from WA State. No consultation, checking with us about work schedules-nothing. Fuck. MIL/Fil getting older so they can't easily navigate the stairs to our basement where the guest room is. Fuck, I guess I'm living downstairs for a week now. Got my ass handed to me at work Christmas Eve night, get home, and "home" is already filled with the WA State SMUG. FIL is sitting at my chair in the kitchen- he knows it's where I always sit, so he makes sure to grab that shit every time. I go sleep for a couple of hours (mostly to hide and not start any shit first thing on baby-Jesus's birthday.
Finally, get up, and get the mandatory lecture on environment meets holiday season. Platitudes are served in response to wife's cooking-serving-cleaning up after breakfast, with the requisite milquetoast "is there anything we can do to help?" [Internal voice] "Yeah, how about checking with us before booking your plane tickets next time?" Fuck. Take a short nap, and wake up to find that B/FIL has now taken my chair from kitchen into my [now their] bedroom so that he has a "place to sit." Fuck?
Yeah, I can't stand small talk. So looking for middle ground, I try the "if we want hydrocarbon-free energy for all these electric everythings the .gov wants [is mandating], we are going to have to look at nuclear, specifically small modular reactors." "Wut" says boomer/father-in-law? So I lay out SMR shit for him, and immediately regret it. [Insert long-winded dialog on Hanford, 3MI, Fukushima, even Chernobyl pt.1/pt.2] "Yeah, but SMRs ain't your FILs nuclear reactor...the only options I see are we all take a plunge in the standard of living, or there's a lot less of us (and we all take a plunge in the standard of living)." "Well, I don't know about that" -B/FIL. Now I get it, B/FIL and MIL are both nestled up to Social Security and as such the .gov can do no wrong. Fuck. I almost have a @Wade moment hating on them so much. But then realize that somehow/somewhere, I am personally stealing from Wade while helping kill Americans, I resign myself to self-loathing and my hypocrisy. Fuck.
FF to dinner- I cook tenderloins for everyone, with fixings (directly paid for by Wade's taxes, I guess). Anyway, MIL drops the "this isn't a traditional XMAS dinner." Fuck. I hate turkey and didn't want to smoke a prime rib for four people, two who don't eat much, but one who sure fucking complains a lot. Couple of friends/neighbors show up. Thank you, baby-Jesus, thank you. Neighbor fucks up and tries to strike up conversation with B/FIL and MIL on how jacked-up the WA/country is. He misses my Ixnay on that, and a short diatribe on the virtues of liberal virtues ensues, followed by awkward silence. Well, fuck. Is there more EH Taylor down there somewhere?
FF 4 more days of being held hostage in my own house, off to the air-fucking-port, finally. Mom died in June so I say, "having you two here really helped take my mind off mom being gone." Olive branch, right? Kinda true, hey, it's Christmas, right? "We sure had a great time" they say. [Yeah, no shit, you got waited on hand-and-foot, all airport transfers included.] "We'll be back this summer!" "Fuck.No. Fuckno!" I scream in my head.

Hey, I know there are no broken TVs, alcoholics (except me, worse now than before), felons, or screaming well-behaved kids, but the dysfunction is real. The struggle is real. Thanks for letting me vent, fellas. Now, back to stealing from Wade and helping kill Americans. I guess.

I love the crushing reality you expressed so eloquently. The struggle is real. I can’t talk to my parents or in-laws about much either.

 

[Bigfatcock]

This is the saddest thread I’ve ever read.

About the only offensive thing that occurred for me is a hooker asked for a tip on Christmas.

 

[WaltHer]

 

[Aussieusa]

Whoohoo! I just witnessed a doozy of a family fight! The best part is I won’t have to see my insufferable cunt fil for a really long time, maybe ever again. Let me set the stage…

Fil is diagnosed bipolar and either stopped taking them again or needs a script change. Their whole family has figured out a way to deal with it. I have as well which mostly means trying to ignore him. I’m a pretty withdrawn person irl and he’s a fucking chatty Cathy so I’m sure he feels awkward sometimes if it’s just us for whatever reason. I’m always polite but my wife knows I can’t stand him

The whole family is at their place the week before Christmas and he’s grumbling the whole time. Our 4 and 5 y/o boys are excited and acting just like what they are which is causing him to simmer a little harder. Not much really happens except our flight yesterday got cancelled. We rescheduled for tomorrow evening. Tonight we were sooo close to the finish line but 5yo had a case of pre-bedtime energy and was trying to play with the dog. I think he kicked a dog toy and it hit the sliding door, not hard but it definitely hit the glass. Fil finally sets it off by saying, “What’s wrong with them? They’re acting like hooligans. Why don’t they listen to anything?” My wife snipes, “That’s not true. They’re very good kids but they’ve been cooped up inside all day”.

*Let’s get it on!*

It escalates quickly with my normally calm and collected wife fucking unloading on her dad. He’s screaming right back trying to counter. Thankfully the boys were already in the other room heading to bed. I needed to find 4yo’s stuffed animal and I went back out to the living room to hear him try to tell us his opinions on how to raise them. I stopped dead in front of him and said “We’re not interested in your opinion on how to raise our kids”. He hobbles out of his recliner(his back is all fucked up and he can barely walk) and starts to square up to me but wife starts yelling and thankfully he starts back at her. I didn’t think it would be appropriate to steal my wife’s thunder, she’s a low key bad bitch if she has to be.

I find what I need, get back to distracting the kids from their grandfather going stark raving mad, and let my wife duke it out. Let the boys wrestle so they don’t hear the fighting. I genuinely didn’t want them to notice this. Once it winds down, I turned their light out and sat with them until they were really close to asleep. Get the baby ready for bed, make sure my wife is ok. And head to bed to share my unintentionally great news with you lunatics


So, anyone else have some “every cloud has a silver lining” holiday horror stories?

After reading the first line I almost got out of bed to make a bag of popcorn

 

[Numedal]

This is the saddest thread I’ve ever read.

About the only offensive thing that occurred for me is a hooker asked for a tip on Christmas.

Presumably you already gave her at least the tip...

 

[supercorndogs]

Even well behaved kids are kids. I know all too well. My boys are very well behaved because I require it. That said, they aren't perfect and they get loud and too excited at times, especially Christmas. They are kids. Kids are going to be kids. People thay aren't around kids regularly just can't take the constant motion and ruckus that ALL little boys bring to the table. Of course, most family can endure it for a time and we try to make sure we stay on top of things and don't let them bother people. It takes some effort from both sides I don't care how well behaved they are. Sounds to me like there is some history here and the kids were just the catalyst. I can for sure relate that! Glad you were able to keep your cool, it's not easy to do sometimes.

My mom always tells a story of my Great Aunt Irma {born around 1907}. She loved my older brother. He was such a quite clean little boy that liked to put things back in their place. She was the same way. Her house was always meticulously clean, with everything in its place. She so wanted to watch us boys when I was getting to be about 3. I still remember going there and being dropped off that day. I think she had two children's toys. I know one was a top, I was being too loud with it, so she sent me outside where I ran around the yard pretending to ride a motorcycle, also at volume she was impressed with. She was the sweetest little old lady, but she never had kids of her own, and was ill prepared for child of my uhhhhhh, caliber?!?!

I work with 3-5 year old kid. ITs always makes me laugh to see their different temperaments, and personalities.

 

[Maser]

Presumably you already gave her at least the tip...

What makes you think it was a her?

 

[supercorndogs]

Went to my parents (that raised me) for christmas eve. My brother and his wife of 26 years came, and she brought her miserable excuse of a human being sister. This miserable cunt is as wide as she is tall, and she has a nearly 3 year old that she was feeding soda, and coffee that she had with some miserable man with no other options. This fucking cunt once called my dad late one evening to tell him she had my son. The only problem, is that I've never participated in the one key thing necessary to make a baby, and to boot, I was not even in the same state when she found some dipshit that had no other option than to stick his dick in stupid. I was merrily boning my now wife at the time, who even today after 2 kids, a stroke, and 25 years of time passage is still a solid 8pts more attractive and desirable than the land whale sister in laws sister. My wife even went on a rant about the fucking disgusting nature of the waste if resources. People like her, make me think that licensing requirements to have children maybe arent so bad.

Branden

I have worked with a few kids with "bottle mouth." Where as their parents feed them Soda from a bottle from the time they are an infant. Them sucking the soda out of the bottle causes it to sit around all their front teeth, and all their front teeth rot out. I had one they pulled about 13 of her front teeth when she was almost 4. I can't imagine all the pain the bare nerves were causing her. And holy shit, with all that pain out of the way, she started to talk. She went from the level of about a 1.5 year old, to nearly communicating at age level over the next 3 years. She turned 6 this year, and is starting to get some of her adult teeth coming in now.

 

[Numedal]

What makes you think it was a her?

Good point

 

[Bigfatcock]

What makes you think it was a her?

I only fuck biological women.