The Official Unofficial 2021 Horrible Christmas Gift Thread

[HousePlant]

My mom sent me one of those sleep masks you are supposed to cool/freeze. Actually quite refreshing... if you like the feeling of your eyes being significantly colder than the surrounding elements of your body and enjoy tearing up constantly. It's all for the beauty... I think it was gag?

I bought myself a Beretta 92 Performance Defensive (their just barely makes weight IDPA gun, which I didn't know at the time I thought I was just buying the INOX regular 92 with snazzy sights). I cannot believe how accurate I am with it. I rival my Glock 34 Gen 5 with a Leupold red dot at up to 50 yards. Kind of blown away. First pistol other than 1911 of course that feels like an extension of the hand. The Beretta PX4 was close, but this 92 is tits... but I digress.

 

[Shootin Stuff]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

Interesting, does that thing need batteries or does it plug into the wall somewhere?

 

[JJMoody]

Can I enter my wife before the fact? Pretty sure she’s got this wrapped up and doesn’t know it yet….

 

[Jefe's Dope]

Interesting, does that thing need batteries or does it plug into the wall somewhere?

Batteries. Three or four Cs. And lasts forever. AND you can usually control how much towel it dispenses. None of this @Sheldon N 5" bullshit.

 

[J-Ham]

Ok so now I kind of want one.

I know it's tempting, but... My only problem with that scenario is that all the paper towels they sell for those are straight up for the poors. C'mon man, you're better than that.

 

[300zx_tt]

I wish I took a picture but I didn’t.

My wife recently went back into a managerial position after being a PTA, she’s now a rehab director. A few of her current employees applied for the job and didn’t get it, my wife obviously did. She’s younger than them by 20 years, so they’re a little salty I’m sure. One of the more bitter women pulled her name for a secret Santa. $50 limit, that would imply you should spend ~$50 bucks. This bitch gives my wife a broken Christmas decoration she probably pulled off of one of her window sills the morning of the exchange. She opened it in front of her employees and every one was shocked. She said nobody fessed up to it. She obviously could figure it out, her department is only 30ish people. A few of the employees ran out and got her some stuff and put it in a stocking for her on their lunch break. Guess who gets all the combative patients and the people that piss and shit themselves all the time and guess who gets all the sweet older ladies that bake cookies and tell stories about the old days

 

[Mike Casselton]

View attachment 7765864
To be fair, it's not bad with morning coffee.

God, that must be some shitty coffee.

We have a thread that you might want to read concerning poorly made coffee vs the good shit.


Not the actual link:

'What's this? That's the good stuff. Yeah? How good? Here's to the good stuff. May it last...' - Silverado

Paden: [picks up a bottle in the back room] What's this? Stella: That's the good stuff. Paden: Yeah? How good? [Stella smiles and pours two glasses. They toast] Paden: Here's to the good stuff. Stella: May it last a long time.

clip.cafe

 

[Mike Casselton]

Pepperoni fruit cake?

Meat cake...

^^^^^ Well, that just sounded bad

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

Havent received anything crappy yet. Just booze and coffee.

I just sent this to my shittiest employee. Lets see if they get the hint.

Jelly Of The Month Club

I just can’t help myself. I have to post it.

 

[fdkay]

Not a gift for me, but a couple of years ago, my youngest grandson said he wanted an I Pad for Christmas, so I put one of these in his stocking:
Amazon product ASIN B07YGMC6G9
He actually thought it funny.

 

[atepointer]

I tell ya what doesn't suck! I was going to use a gift card at some point today to buy a new drill and my neighbor just brought this over as a gift for taking care of their house this summer while they are in MI. Talk about timing! Pretty bad ass lifetime warranty and you don't have to go through Rigid, but do it right at the store.

 

[oneshot86]

I tell ya what doesn't suck! I was going to use a gift card at some point today to buy a new drill and my neighbor just brought this over as a gift for taking care of their house this summer while they are in MI. Talk about timing! Pretty bad ass lifetime warranty and you don't have to go through Rigid, but do it right at the store.

View attachment 7766180

A roofing contractor friend has that driver, Dan. He swears by it

 

[atepointer]

A roofing contractor friend has that driver, Dan. He swears by it

Said neighbor built a new free standing garage/workshop on his property last summer in the UP of Michigan. He and his buddy each bought one he said they absolutely beat on them to death and they performed beautifully. Glad your roofer friend had a good experience too.

 

[oneshot86]

Said neighbor built a new free standing garage/workshop on his property last summer in the UP of Michigan. He and his buddy each bought one he said they absolutely beat on them to death and they performed beautifully. Glad your roofer friend had a good experience too.

Still uses it daily, he brags about the dang thing and the savings

 

[1moaoff]

Rigid is nice... won't give up my milwaukee tools though...FYI if I am correct it's licensed tech from milwaukee.. alot of the battery tech M also owns and licenses....

 

[atepointer]

All I know is my new Rigid makes me rigid: lifetime warranty done at Depot and I can now use this gift card to buy some drywall, mud and baseboard!

 

[TxWelder35]

Rigid is nice... won't give up my milwaukee tools though...FYI if I am correct it's licensed tech from milwaukee.. alot of the battery tech M also owns and licenses....

Ryobi, Ridgid, and Milwaukee are all owned by TTI

 

[502Chevelle]

First time I’ve ever given a to something that wasn’t half naked!

 

[TheGerman]

Almost there.

 

[502Chevelle]

Changed the oil in my wife’s car yesterday and then spilled all the dirty oil on the garage floor. Went to the grocery store and picked up three of the giant kitty litter buckets to clean it up with. I told the little girl behind the counter, that now all of my Christmas shopping for the wife was done. You should have seen the stink eye she gave me.

 

[buffalowinter]

This what I'm GIVING:

 

[Kein Mitleid]

Mafell would be my choice for drivers.

 

[TheGerman]

This what I'm GIVING:

Ill trade you for some DIVX.

There is one Blockbuster left. There's a Netflix documentary about it.

 

[missed]

I can only hope he's that disappointed.

Says he has irritable bowel syndrome. He spends 20 minutes every hour in the bathroom on his cell phone, I'm convinced he's whackin' it in there. If there was a such thing as the ky jelly of the month club I would have gotten him that instead.

 

[Jim Out]

I gave my niece a bag of apples one time....


.....yes, just so I could ask her, "How do you like them apples?"


For some reason we got a copy of Dorf Goes Fishing and a Larry the Cable Guy DVD.....

Go figure.....

Next year the assholes got a used copy of Eastern Promises, that's the one where you get to see Vigo Mortensen almost get his ballsack cut off with a carpet knife......


Bring it fuckers, shit gifting is a fine art.....

 

[clcustom1911]

Ok so now I kind of want one.

For MY garage

 

[iceng]

10 litre bucket of pickled octopus, from one of my employees.

His parents own / run some fish-mart, and Christmas is obviously brings out the stupid in people who want things now and don't plan ahead. He requested the last week off to help them as customers for their business were making stupid demands, and the fishing boats were dropping supplies off, etc.. needed hands on... Sure, he asked in advance, I can accommodate.

Because he was working so hard, he didn't get time to get off or do anything (for a Xmas hunt, or shopping). He rung up the (my) shop and asked if any of us wanted anything for our family celebrations. We were set (I planned ahead !).

Long and pointless story short, they made a huge pile of these, used at restaurants or something (?) And said he had a spare, and dropped it off.

Yes, it is delicious. I prefer a bit more zing, this batch is more olive-oily rather than vinegar and chilli... Still fresh and nice tho.

 

[HiDesertELR]

Ok, still in the running... Wife did a big mail / drop off yesterday, and this is still in the house

 

[Lawless]

My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

 

[DocRDS]

I put 2 of my son's shirts I bought for him in a Vortex Razor Gen2 box.

 

[oneshot86]

I put 2 of my son's shirts I bought for him in a Vortex Razor Gen2 box.

Not fair not fair, lol

 

[Mike Casselton]

My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404

Pinecones make nice fire starters...

 

[TheGerman]

Ok, still in the running... Wife did a big mail / drop off yesterday, and this is still in the house

View attachment 7768390

LOL

Why a soccer ball?

The best part of this gift is that shes going to want you sitting by her, while she stitches this thing and watches some horrible fucking channel like Bravo the entire time.

 

[TheGerman]

My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404

I have solved your problem.

 

[Makinchips208]

From one sibling to another.

 

[theLBC]

okay, here is something my daughter brought home yesterday, and it is still on the counter, lol.

 

[HiDesertELR]

LOL

Why a soccer ball?

The best part of this gift is that shes going to want you sitting by her, while she stitches this thing and watches some horrible fucking channel like Bravo the entire time.

I played a lot in a past life.

She doesn't watch that crap, she's kinda badass.

 

[Lawless]

I have solved your problem.

View attachment 7768612

After Christmas, it will disappear in an unfortunate farming accident.

 

[Thorny]

Really.....?

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

I put 2 of my son's shirts I bought for him in a Vortex Razor Gen2 box.

 

[iceng]

My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404

You win. Fuk it, I'm out.

 

[Drew M]

Our crap family Christmas present came from our 1yo grandson,
He got sick from daycare, we had him Monday night to give the Son & Dil a break as they now had it.

So know for Christmas the wife, other son, daughter & myself have Gastro with one toilet in the house.

Grandson, eldest son & Daughter in-law are all recovered.

Merry spewing shitting Christmas here today.

I'll spare you from pictures as its not a pretty site.
And for bonus points it somehow must be that bitch Carole Baskins fault, just seeing her makes you want to vomit & shit yourself at the same time.

 

[Makinchips208]

Our crap family Christmas present came from our 1yo grandson,
He got sick from daycare, we had him Monday night to give the Son & Dil a break as they now had it.

So know for Christmas the wife, other son, daughter & myself have Gastro with one toilet in the house.

Grandson, eldest son & Daughter in-law are all recovered.

Merry spewing shitting Christmas here today.

Due to the circumstances we will excuse the post without a pic...
Merry Christmas

 

[Drew M]

Due to the circumstances we will excuse the post without a pic...
Merry Christmas

Thanks,

I just edited & added a couple of lines to excuse the no pic & adding to blame that bitch Carole Baskins.
Funnily enough some of the filming for the upcoming tiger king movie was 5 minutes from my house so it has to be that bitches fault.

Merry Christmas

 

[Desert Raven]

Got this from the poor at a Christmas gathering because “I know you like coffee”. Yes, nothing better than drinking volcanic soil coffee from a hobo version nutcracker mug. Bonus- price on the bottom (removed and thrown away already, so no proof) said “Clearance $1.00”.

ETA: bonus poor points for penile-implant-looking appendage in the front of the hat

 

[TheGerman]

View attachment 7768737

Got this from the poor at a Christmas gathering because “I know you like coffee”. Yes, nothing better than drinking volcanic soil coffee from a hobo version nutcracker mug. Bonus- price on the bottom (removed and thrown away already, so no proof) said “Clearance $1.00”.

ETA: bonus poor points for penile-implant-looking appendage in the front of the hat

Yeah there's a giant cock on his forehead.

 

[forrestgump01]

All I got was this package in the mail with a letter attached that read
" From all of us at Snipershide "

 

[waveslayer]

Well I just got a call, as I'm playing Santa for my kids, from one of my memory care facilities that the police were there... I'm out of town on a ski trip at the moment, so I'm like Merry Christmas officer. To make a long story short. The worse possible, crazy ass family you can imagine has a camera installed in their dad's room to watch everything since Covid happened , and see's a registry (temp) care giver hit her dad on the calf and thigh, with the residents Shoe!!!! So of course bow this Dumb ass has felony Elder Abuae charges all caught on camera!!! Merry freaking Christmas, so I'm on the next flight tomorrow morning, Christmas to get back to work! This Temp caregiver, thanks Biden for the lovely labor crisis , is lucky I am out of town or I'd be in jail for abuse!
As evidence here's the case number this will be one hell of a lawsuit.

 

[gunjunkie45]

I got this shirt from my wife along with a nose hair trimmer and assorted hot sauces. I'm a bit underwhelmed.

 

[NH4X]

My wife’s great aunt brought us this 4’ Christmas tree made from pine cones. It smells like her attic and is an absolutely useless item given to free up space in her home without feeling guilty that she threw it out for the trash people.

View attachment 7768404

A little green and white paint added and me would likie .........that thing has possibilities so says my wife