DISCLAIMERI recommend reading this entire post. 
Be the only one in America to own this bag. A true once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. This is not one of those “biodegradeable” Enviro-Nazi bags. No sir! This bag will survive intact buried in the ground for decades... guaranteed! It has all original markings and is 100% certified authentic. Used for less than 2 hours, there is not a more pristine version on earth.
This bag would make an ideal stocking stuffer for a suicidal friend. Nothing says “I love you” more than a versatile gift. Draw a Happy Face on it and it’ll also serve as a burial face clothe to remember him by! The uses are endless.
I know what you’re thinking: TheHorta’s gone insane! This thing is priceless! How could he possibly let it go? What price could possibly be attached to such a treasure?
^^^^^JOKING ENDS HERE^^^^^
Well, dear fellow putrid effluvium of the Hide, you see — Uncle Horta is boarding a plane to Kenya this Friday to go see little boys and girls that Santa has forgotten about. In fact, the whole world has forgotten about them. In a little town outside of Kitale sits an orphanage that is also a school, where over 20 little kiddies without mommys and daddys eek out an existence. Auntie and Uncle Horta are going there to spend Christmas with them, and we’re bringing everything we can carry (and the airline will allow) to help brighten their Christmas just a little bit. We’re also bringing as much money as we can to help make improvements to their mud-brick home and school that has no windows or doors, and to get them all thin mattresses to sleep on and doxycycline to treat a year’s worth of malaria for each child.
So... what is Horta saying?
If you buy this bag, every penny will go toward this endeavor. I’ll text you photos of grateful little snot-nosed kiddies (seriously, their noses are always snotty) and the environs that we’re seeking to improve. Last year we were able to get them some land to plant corn which they used to help live on, and a milking goat, and a water pump and pipe. This year we hope to do even more, and do it on Christmas. This is a strictly personal thing, not as part of any organization. We’re not a 501c3 or any such thing. This is just a thing where literally every dollar gets used. We cover all of our own expenses, and we’re very cautious about how these things get doled out.
So, what say ye? Anyone need a bag?
P.S. There’s a secret irony to selling a plastic bag in a bid to help Kenyan orphans.
Yer pal,
TheHorta
Some of “our” kids...
Be the only one in America to own this bag. A true once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. This is not one of those “biodegradeable” Enviro-Nazi bags. No sir! This bag will survive intact buried in the ground for decades... guaranteed! It has all original markings and is 100% certified authentic. Used for less than 2 hours, there is not a more pristine version on earth.
This bag would make an ideal stocking stuffer for a suicidal friend. Nothing says “I love you” more than a versatile gift. Draw a Happy Face on it and it’ll also serve as a burial face clothe to remember him by! The uses are endless.
I know what you’re thinking: TheHorta’s gone insane! This thing is priceless! How could he possibly let it go? What price could possibly be attached to such a treasure?
^^^^^JOKING ENDS HERE^^^^^
Well, dear fellow putrid effluvium of the Hide, you see — Uncle Horta is boarding a plane to Kenya this Friday to go see little boys and girls that Santa has forgotten about. In fact, the whole world has forgotten about them. In a little town outside of Kitale sits an orphanage that is also a school, where over 20 little kiddies without mommys and daddys eek out an existence. Auntie and Uncle Horta are going there to spend Christmas with them, and we’re bringing everything we can carry (and the airline will allow) to help brighten their Christmas just a little bit. We’re also bringing as much money as we can to help make improvements to their mud-brick home and school that has no windows or doors, and to get them all thin mattresses to sleep on and doxycycline to treat a year’s worth of malaria for each child.
So... what is Horta saying?
If you buy this bag, every penny will go toward this endeavor. I’ll text you photos of grateful little snot-nosed kiddies (seriously, their noses are always snotty) and the environs that we’re seeking to improve. Last year we were able to get them some land to plant corn which they used to help live on, and a milking goat, and a water pump and pipe. This year we hope to do even more, and do it on Christmas. This is a strictly personal thing, not as part of any organization. We’re not a 501c3 or any such thing. This is just a thing where literally every dollar gets used. We cover all of our own expenses, and we’re very cautious about how these things get doled out.
So, what say ye? Anyone need a bag?
P.S. There’s a secret irony to selling a plastic bag in a bid to help Kenyan orphans.
Yer pal,
TheHorta
Some of “our” kids...
