This was written by my daughter, thought you folks would get a chuckle out of it.
WANTED: Boat and capable pilot for zombie escape plan. (Chicago)
Date: 2011-03-12, 11:12AM CST
Hi there!
I am seeking a vessel in good repair as well as a capable pilot to ensure our survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. At the moment, all that is required is an agreement (may be written if you prefer):
If Chicago is ever infested with the undead, we would meet at the harbor (Belmont Harbor is preferred due to my proximity), where we would depart in your boat to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We will be docking briefly in St. Joseph, MI to retrieve my sister and brother-in-law, who will have firearms, ammunition, and additional supplies. My parents may or may not be accompanying them (it is uncertain whether they will survive. While they are in good health and well-armed, my mother is sometimes prone to making poor decisions, and my father is too foolishly devoted to abandon her.)
Additional passengers will have to be discussed. Our contract can be updated according to our current situations, but I am trying to keep the numbers low. Bear in mind that there will also be three dogs. Two are fit to be watchdogs; the third will be kept as emergency rations. Please do not answer this ad if you are allergic to canines or a vegetarian.
In exchange for your services, you will have the opportunity to not be ripped to shreds by the undead. The sparse population of northern Michigan will minimize the chance of zombie contact. My brother-in-law is familiar with the area, and is a skilled hunter and woodsman. The plan is to set up camp and wait things out. You will either have to commit to our makeshift community, or leave us with your boat. We will determine a ‘Departure Clause’ in our contract, but the boat is NON-NEGOTIABLE.
What I am looking for in a candidate:
- Ideally you will have a boating license and enough experience to navigate us to the UP, and possibly further (contingent on the breadth and severity of the outbreak.)
- Experience with firearms preferred.
- Must be able to remain calm under pressure.
- No physical or psychological ailments that require special accommodations or medication. You will not be a liability to us.
- You do not necessarily have to be brave, but you must be able to prioritize. I can’t have you skittering off at the first sight of a corpse.
- While I do prefer that you have some skill to contribute if we do have to rebuild society (knowledge in medicine, carpentry, some level of education), it is not required. I AM MOST CONCERNED ABOUT THE BOAT.
In summary, if you fit the criteria:
- We will establish a meeting place and plan of action in case of an outbreak.
- We will exchange contact information and ensure it remains current.
- You will keep your boat maintained and stocked with enough fuel to reach the Upper Peninsula and beyond.
- You will hold no prejudice against Canada in the event that we have to settle there.
I will be interviewing candidates on an ongoing basis. I look forward to working with you.
* Location: Chicago
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Rich
WANTED: Boat and capable pilot for zombie escape plan. (Chicago)
Date: 2011-03-12, 11:12AM CST
Hi there!
I am seeking a vessel in good repair as well as a capable pilot to ensure our survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. At the moment, all that is required is an agreement (may be written if you prefer):
If Chicago is ever infested with the undead, we would meet at the harbor (Belmont Harbor is preferred due to my proximity), where we would depart in your boat to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We will be docking briefly in St. Joseph, MI to retrieve my sister and brother-in-law, who will have firearms, ammunition, and additional supplies. My parents may or may not be accompanying them (it is uncertain whether they will survive. While they are in good health and well-armed, my mother is sometimes prone to making poor decisions, and my father is too foolishly devoted to abandon her.)
Additional passengers will have to be discussed. Our contract can be updated according to our current situations, but I am trying to keep the numbers low. Bear in mind that there will also be three dogs. Two are fit to be watchdogs; the third will be kept as emergency rations. Please do not answer this ad if you are allergic to canines or a vegetarian.
In exchange for your services, you will have the opportunity to not be ripped to shreds by the undead. The sparse population of northern Michigan will minimize the chance of zombie contact. My brother-in-law is familiar with the area, and is a skilled hunter and woodsman. The plan is to set up camp and wait things out. You will either have to commit to our makeshift community, or leave us with your boat. We will determine a ‘Departure Clause’ in our contract, but the boat is NON-NEGOTIABLE.
What I am looking for in a candidate:
- Ideally you will have a boating license and enough experience to navigate us to the UP, and possibly further (contingent on the breadth and severity of the outbreak.)
- Experience with firearms preferred.
- Must be able to remain calm under pressure.
- No physical or psychological ailments that require special accommodations or medication. You will not be a liability to us.
- You do not necessarily have to be brave, but you must be able to prioritize. I can’t have you skittering off at the first sight of a corpse.
- While I do prefer that you have some skill to contribute if we do have to rebuild society (knowledge in medicine, carpentry, some level of education), it is not required. I AM MOST CONCERNED ABOUT THE BOAT.
In summary, if you fit the criteria:
- We will establish a meeting place and plan of action in case of an outbreak.
- We will exchange contact information and ensure it remains current.
- You will keep your boat maintained and stocked with enough fuel to reach the Upper Peninsula and beyond.
- You will hold no prejudice against Canada in the event that we have to settle there.
I will be interviewing candidates on an ongoing basis. I look forward to working with you.
* Location: Chicago
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Rich
