I just ended one crazy evening. I watch the Fedor/Henderson fights and go to a honky-tonk bar with a buddy of mine (he drove) that usually has ready and willing pootie. I roll on in there and there is a table of girls with a smoking hot bigger girl and I was like:
So a girl that is friends with the girl I'm seeing starts talking non-top to me and I ditch her:
I walk over to the table and ask that BBW goddess to dance and realize she's pretty twisted. We are talking and she tells me she is from Wyoming and over here visiting her girlfriend. I ask her where her boyfriend is and she tells me that he is back in Wyoming and I am like:
So at the end of the night she ditches her friend I end up driving her back to my place in her car.
We get back there and go at it:
All of a sudden while we are getting busy she lets loose the mother of all farts. I stop mid thrust and I'm like:
She gets up and goes to my bathroom and proceeds to carpet bomb my toilet. It was loud. I was like:
She comes out of the bathroom and the stench follows her. At this point I realize the drinks at my place have now transformed my goddess into a drunk cow. She goes to get another beer and she has a piece of toilet paper hanging out of her ass-crack. When I see it I was like:
I tell her she needs to go. She tells me she is too drunk to drive and she doesn't know how to find her friend's house and starts to create a scene. I humor this drunk wildebeast and she keeps drinking. About an hour later she runs back to bathroom and starts throwing up making these bovine mating call sounds.
I now have a naked beached whale sleeping on my bathroom floor. I go to sleep and all of sudden there is someone knocking at my door. It's the girl I am dating. Her girlfriend texted her that I left the bar with some girl.
I'm like:
I tell her that the car in front is a buddy of mine that drove in from Wyoming with a couple guys and they are sleeping in the living room so she can't come in.
She tells me I'm lying. I continue to deny. She says: "Look at the back of the f&cking car!!!"
I walk off of the porch to the back of the car. On the bumper of Shamu's car was a bumper sticker that said :<span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="text-decoration: underline">"Cowboy Butts Drive Me Nuts".</span></span>
I was like:
My girlfriend leaves after screaming at me and waking up all of my neighbors. Shamu sticks her big head out of the front door to see what the commotion was, girlfriend sees Shamu. Neighbors see Shamu leave.
FML.
So a girl that is friends with the girl I'm seeing starts talking non-top to me and I ditch her:
I walk over to the table and ask that BBW goddess to dance and realize she's pretty twisted. We are talking and she tells me she is from Wyoming and over here visiting her girlfriend. I ask her where her boyfriend is and she tells me that he is back in Wyoming and I am like:
So at the end of the night she ditches her friend I end up driving her back to my place in her car.
We get back there and go at it:
All of a sudden while we are getting busy she lets loose the mother of all farts. I stop mid thrust and I'm like:
She gets up and goes to my bathroom and proceeds to carpet bomb my toilet. It was loud. I was like:
She comes out of the bathroom and the stench follows her. At this point I realize the drinks at my place have now transformed my goddess into a drunk cow. She goes to get another beer and she has a piece of toilet paper hanging out of her ass-crack. When I see it I was like:
I tell her she needs to go. She tells me she is too drunk to drive and she doesn't know how to find her friend's house and starts to create a scene. I humor this drunk wildebeast and she keeps drinking. About an hour later she runs back to bathroom and starts throwing up making these bovine mating call sounds.
I now have a naked beached whale sleeping on my bathroom floor. I go to sleep and all of sudden there is someone knocking at my door. It's the girl I am dating. Her girlfriend texted her that I left the bar with some girl.
I'm like:
I tell her that the car in front is a buddy of mine that drove in from Wyoming with a couple guys and they are sleeping in the living room so she can't come in.
She tells me I'm lying. I continue to deny. She says: "Look at the back of the f&cking car!!!"
I walk off of the porch to the back of the car. On the bumper of Shamu's car was a bumper sticker that said :<span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="text-decoration: underline">"Cowboy Butts Drive Me Nuts".</span></span>
I was like:
My girlfriend leaves after screaming at me and waking up all of my neighbors. Shamu sticks her big head out of the front door to see what the commotion was, girlfriend sees Shamu. Neighbors see Shamu leave.
FML.
