Maggie’s Motivational Pic Thread v2.0 - - New Rules - See Post #1

[Dirty D]

 

[Dirty D]

@Lowlight your girlfriend is batshit crazy

 

[Dirty D]

 

[1J04]

Someone's drinking again.

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[Threadcutter308]

Someone's drinking again.

Who ever quit ?........

 

[Threadcutter308]

Has anyone heard from Barneybdb? Shit I hope he is okay. I wasn't even aware they had Taco Bell in Australia.



Man Loses Feeling In His Legs And Nearly Dies Due To Colossal Poop

Doctors in Australia have intervened after a man became so constipated his fecal matter gave him paralysis in one of his legs.

A 53-year-old took himself to the emergency room with abdominal pain that had been building for three days, swelling and nausea. More alarmingly, he was experiencing pain in his right leg, which he was unable to move for the past 24 hours. The leg had no palpable pulse and was cold to the touch, the doctors write in the BMJ Case Report.

His medical history revealed no drug taking, no risk of vascular disease and no significant medical history to speak of. It turns out he just really, really needed to poop. (Oh yeah, turns out you've probably been doing it wrong your whole life)

A rectal examination revealed that the man had impacted stools. A scan of his abdomen revealed he was suffering from massive fecal compaction and potentially life-threatening abdominal compartment syndrome (increased pressure in the abdomen).

He's OK..........He's one hell of a lot older than 53 and still kickin'.........

Jeesuz, can you imagine finally droppin' that deuce ? I'd almost look forward to being that backed up for that long, just to finally be able to drop that bomb.

 

[TripleBull]

@Lowlight your girlfriend is batshit crazy

View attachment 6916168

What, you don't use an Astrolabe hat while watching the eclipse?

 

[TripleBull]

Jeesuz, can you imagine finally droppin' that deuce ? I'd almost look forward to being that backed up for that long, just to finally be able to drop that bomb.

The Huber brothers put up one of the early free climbing acsents on El Cap. A British dude I knew in Boulder put up an eBay auction titled something like "Dessicated Log dropped by Alex Huber after topping out the Salathe' Wall". He got over $160 bucks for the fake turd.

I still laugh at that one.

 

[TripleBull]

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[Barneybdb]

Has anyone heard from Barneybdb? Shit I hope he is okay. I wasn't even aware they had Taco Bell in Australia.



Man Loses Feeling In His Legs And Nearly Dies Due To Colossal Poop

Doctors in Australia have intervened after a man became so constipated his fecal matter gave him paralysis in one of his legs.

A 53-year-old took himself to the emergency room with abdominal pain that had been building for three days, swelling and nausea. More alarmingly, he was experiencing pain in his right leg, which he was unable to move for the past 24 hours. The leg had no palpable pulse and was cold to the touch, the doctors write in the BMJ Case Report.

His medical history revealed no drug taking, no risk of vascular disease and no significant medical history to speak of. It turns out he just really, really needed to poop. (Oh yeah, turns out you've probably been doing it wrong your whole life)

A rectal examination revealed that the man had impacted stools. A scan of his abdomen revealed he was suffering from massive fecal compaction and potentially life-threatening abdominal compartment syndrome (increased pressure in the abdomen).

Sounds like you could be implying I am full of shit???

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[TripleBull]

It's called "Gamble Gas".

 

[Barneybdb]

Hell,
You could come here to Florida and do the same thing.
We got a buncha things here that'll fuck you up.

Saturday we were doing some grouper fishing while waiting on the tide to turn so we could chase tarpon.

We were anchored about 50 yards north east of another boat.
(Very normal here and not an issue. Except for the ass hats trolling between boats)

A woman in the closest boat hopped overboard. I mentioned to Jim that I hoped she was just taking a leak as this area wasn't safe to swim. After about 45 seconds she climbed back on board. Most likely peeing or cooling off.

As the tide changed, they left to pursue tarpon. We left about 15 minutes later.
As we turned towards the island we noticed they had hooked up to a 100+ pounder.
We motored closer but kept a safe distance. On the third jump we noticed movement behind the tarpon. 30 seconds later it gets knocked completely out of the water by a very large bull shark.
We knew the game was over so we motored closer. As we did so, the tarpon resurfaced and was grabbed at the head by the shark. The tarpon gave a goodbye wave with the tail and then came the huge blood letting.
We chatted with them for a bit about the fish and then I mentioned to her about getting in the water. She said it scared the crap out of her.
I told her that my wife steps on the trim tab and dunks her back side just long enough to pee. She thought that was a better technique.

Bull sharks are nasty predators and I would gladly swim with hammerheads or a great white before I'd swim with a bull shark.

Plenty of Bull sharks down here too but mainly in the North. Many of us down here use these to avoid getting in the water, a five gallon bucket and a pool noodle.

 

[Barneybdb]

Dirty D???

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[Dirty D]

Dirty D???

Dirty D!!!

 

[MtnCreek]

Even the earthworms kill you in Aus?

 

[Rover31]

How and why do the voters there actually vote for her?

 

[Fig]

South Central (west) LA. Should be nuf said. Any guesses on how many voters there could pass Gunfighter14e2 's civics test?

 

[Waorani]

Plenty of Bull sharks down here too but mainly in the North. Many of us down here use these to avoid getting in the water, a five gallon bucket and a pool noodle.

Wish I'd thought of that when I was crapping in a bucket while putting myself through grad school. Living on the cheap in a shack w/ outhouse, went to the bucket when the floor fell in and even stuck it out for a year or so after the well went dry. Doubt there's many kids in school these day that would do that.

 

[Fig]

You do what you've gota do, but I would have tried to arrange more comfortable accommodations. Out house doesn't bother me (except in winter), nor well, but it's got to be wet... No water at all is a problem.

 

[168BTHPM]

Sounds like you could be implying I am full of shit???

No quite the opposite, the article clearly states whoever that was is no longer full of shit. However, I can't imagine have to take a shit so bad I lost the use of my legs.

 

[lash]

No quite the opposite, the article clearly states whoever that was is no longer full of shit. However, I can't imagine have to take a shit so bad I lost the use of my legs.

You just have to make like a mathematician and use a pencil to work it out...

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

 

[1J04]

 

[1J04]

 

[1J04]

And for the Durian lovers amongst us............

 

[1J04]

Enjoy "Titty Tuesday" Boyz

 

[Waorani]

Kinda reminds me of those things folks used to have on their desks where pulled up one ball, let it go, and the one on the far end would go flying up.

 

[oneshot86]

Enjoy "Titty Tuesday" Boyz

you really really do like us, thanks buddy ole pal

 

[TripleBull]

I got hypnotized and sea-sick at the same time, but I'm not complaining!

 

[TripleBull]

Kinda reminds me of those things folks used to have on their desks where pulled up one ball, let it go, and the one on the far end would go flying up.

^ He's talking about the Titty Cradle, er, I mean Newton's Cradle.

 

[Flyingbullseye]

Can't find a link for the speech so you just have to click and play the video from the news website.

https://www.westernjournal.com/ct/c...als-are-doing-to-black-community/?jwsource=cl

 

[1J04]

Kinda reminds me of those things folks used to have on their desks where pulled up one ball, let it go, and the one on the far end would go flying up.

<iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/3o6gDXbPEgY7jccwUM" width="320" height="480" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="">via GIPHY</a></p>

 

[oneshot86]

what the hell did you do that for

 

[oneshot86]

lol

 

[oneshot86]

i need a beer now

 

[THEIS]

Hi,

@1J04
You deserve the Phoenix Eye for degrading "Tit" Tuesday with that....whatever it's called thing.

Sincerely,
Theis

 

[1J04]

what the hell did you do that for

That's Olivia "Newton" Johns Cradle

 

[1J04]

Hi,

@1J04
You deserve the Phoenix Eye for degrading "Tit" Tuesday with that....whatever it's called thing.

Sincerely,
Theis

I apologize........

 

[sirhrmechanic]

I'm saving this picture for the next time someone around here gets butthurt...

Rectum... damn near killed 'em!

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Figured I'd share this here...

The flatlander douch-nozzle window licking McMansion trash... are calling the police a dozen times a day complaining about bears. The bears are not doing anything. They are just... being seen.

One utterly stupid broad posted that "It's because people are running bear dogs... they are scaring the bears into our yards where they are seeking safety." Which is utter B.S. There aren't 10 bear dog owners in the whole state. And they damn sure aren't running them through this town. Did I mention blithering idiots? Well, I do below.

So here is what I posted on our little leftist Kaffe Klatch called Front Porch Forum.


For those idiots in town complaining about bears: 1. Bears are not a problem. The problem is douche bags who build McMansions where bears live. 2. You moved to Vermont. Vermont has bears. Lots of them. You are the invasive species, not them. If you can't live with bears, go back to your urban craphole 3. Do not call the police because you see a bear. It is just doing Bear stuff. There are no criminal code violations being committed by bears. Bears, by definition, cannot commit misdemeanors or felonies. They are just being bears 4. If you think hunters are the problem... see items 1 through 3. They are not. It's you. 5. If you want to take a picture of your kid with a bear, do not put jelly on your kid's face for a cute selfle. Or... do! It will thin your progeny out of the herd... Darwin style. 6. If you want to keep bears away, take a watermelon and fill it with vodka. Leave it where bear will find it. Bears hate vodka. They will leave you alone in future. 7. If you are stupid enough to believe number 6... you deserve to have a drunk bear running around your house. 8. Bears just want to be left alone... So do Vermonters. So shut your pie holes about bears you blithering idiots.


Naturally, the butthurt little leftist trust fund yoga mom's and man bun butt-pirates took it down and banned me. I used bad words. Like... Douche and Craphole. But so tired of the little skin piccolo virtuoso's and their urban idiocy.... I was due to be banned for life anyway.

My buddy and I are going to do the watermelon thing this weekend. If I can get a bear passed out here on the farm (I have a bunch of them), I am going to Gorilla-glue a MAGA hat on its head and make national news.

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[Waorani]

<iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/3o6gDXbPEgY7jccwUM" width="320" height="480" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="">via GIPHY</a></p>

WTF?

 

[1J04]

Figured I'd share this here...

The flatlander douch-nozzle window licking McMansion trash... are calling the police a dozen times a day complaining about bears. The bears are not doing anything. They are just... being seen.

One utterly stupid broad posted that "It's because people are running bear dogs... they are scaring the bears into our yards where they are seeking safety." Which is utter B.S. There aren't 10 bear dog owners in the whole state. And they damn sure aren't running them through this town. Did I mention blithering idiots? Well, I do below.

So here is what I posted on our little leftist Kaffe Klatch called Front Porch Forum.


For those idiots in town complaining about bears: 1. Bears are not a problem. The problem is douche bags who build McMansions where bears live. 2. You moved to Vermont. Vermont has bears. Lots of them. You are the invasive species, not them. If you can't live with bears, go back to your urban craphole 3. Do not call the police because you see a bear. It is just doing Bear stuff. There are no criminal code violations being committed by bears. Bears, by definition, cannot commit misdemeanors or felonies. They are just being bears 4. If you think hunters are the problem... see items 1 through 3. They are not. It's you. 5. If you want to take a picture of your kid with a bear, do not put jelly on your kid's face for a cute selfle. Or... do! It will thin your progeny out of the herd... Darwin style. 6. If you want to keep bears away, take a watermelon and fill it with vodka. Leave it where bear will find it. Bears hate vodka. They will leave you alone in future. 7. If you are stupid enough to believe number 6... you deserve to have a drunk bear running around your house. 8. Bears just want to be left alone... So do Vermonters. So shut your pie holes about bears you blithering idiots.


Naturally, the butthurt little leftist trust fund yoga mom's and man bun butt-pirates took it down and banned me. I used bad words. Like... Douche and Craphole. But so tired of the little skin piccolo virtuoso's and their urban idiocy.... I was due to be banned for life anyway.

My buddy and I are going to do the watermelon thing this weekend. If I can get a bear passed out here on the farm (I have a bunch of them), I am going to Gorilla-glue a MAGA hat on its head and make national news.

Cheers,

Sirhr

Well crap! I was just in the middle of figuring out what street name I wanted to use to log in and find your post and do a fly-by and see if you could pick up just who the hell it was spewing some utter ridiculous shit. Now then, if you DON't follow thru with the MAGA hat idea you'll be shunned for life as well. DO IT !!!!!

And for the FPF curious, go ahead, log in. It'd be tooooooooo much fun to unload on them till we're all banned.

https://frontporchforum.com/

 

[1J04]

WTF?

WTF WTF? You're the sick bastard that was asking for it. Stop shooting the messenger.

 

[mrbig]

WOW !!!!!!!!!!! we were sittin around watchin it rain just now and the phone rang and it was my wifes brother and I could here him holler through the phone to turn on Fox News,,it was President Trump awarding Garlin Conner the Congressional Medal of Honor,,,you see my wife is from Albany,Ky and her mother`s sister was married to Chester Conner which was Garlin Conners brother,,,,he was like the 2nd most decorated soldier in WWII,, I had heard all the stories of what all he did but I never thought they would actually award him with the CMOH but they did and his wife was still alive to accept it for him,,

while he wasnt really kin to my wife ,in small country towns like Albany when someone in your family marry`s someone it makes their family part of your family and his brother was married to my mother in laws sister and I can tell you the whole family on both sides is really proud and excited as can be getting this medal..

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/06/2...-world-war-ii-veteran-garlin-murl-conner.html

 

[ForgeValley]

Running bear dogs, that's the stupidest shit I've heard today. The bears are after their trash. Put your trash up, bear moseys through the neighborhood for greener pastures. Living in Western North Carolina we have black bear everywhere. You learn to live with them.