Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
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A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star".
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked "What's your name?" The guy said "My name is Penis van Lesbian". The agent said "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name".
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old; I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever". The agent said "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you".
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER...... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir, five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name but I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely, Dick van Dyke".
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked "What's your name?" The guy said "My name is Penis van Lesbian". The agent said "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name".
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old; I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever". The agent said "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you".
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER...... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir, five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name but I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely, Dick van Dyke".
Two friends went to a strip club. When they got inside, they noticed two seats conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, the took the seats.
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind them yelled "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!"
One of the friends in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two tassels.
The guy behind our friend goes off again. "Yeah baby! Shake those things". The other friend turned around and said "Hey buddy, calm down!"
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string.
Again, the man behind our friend yelled out "Oh baby! You're almost there!" The other friend again turned around and said "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!"
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend.
Curious, the other friend turned around and asked "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?" The guy responded "It's on your back, dude".
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind them yelled "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!"
One of the friends in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two tassels.
The guy behind our friend goes off again. "Yeah baby! Shake those things". The other friend turned around and said "Hey buddy, calm down!"
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string.
Again, the man behind our friend yelled out "Oh baby! You're almost there!" The other friend again turned around and said "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!"
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend.
Curious, the other friend turned around and asked "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?" The guy responded "It's on your back, dude".
WTF 1J !! Mall ninja with a man bun that cant shoot, id rather look at some of DD’s pictures of ugly fat chicks!! ?
I do like his battle belt! ?Exactly why it's in S*U*H thread. It's got it all, don't it? lmfao
Twinkie ? More like a five course meal? I think we may be a bit insensitive, the more I watch that, the more Im convinced IT”S practicing for the Transgender Olympics or some other shit like that!! Where’s Hermo when you need him? i gotta leave for the day with this image in my head!!?
If I was that guy and I shot that slowly and poorly I would shave my manbun in shame. Luckily for me I have virtually no hair left.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says" See that woman over there, she will give you a blow job and sing the National Anthem at the same time". "No way" the guy says. "Oh yeah, and she only charges $20". So he walks over and hands her a 20. She takes him into a backroom and shuts off the light. As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it; the words came out so clear that it was impossible. When she finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.
What is brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s 1st movement.
Beethoven’s 1st movement.
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