Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
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Shouldn't that be a toothbrush holder AND toothpaste dispenser?
A millennial crashed their car.
They told the policeman the man they collided with was on his phone and drinking a can of beer.
The policeman said he can do what he likes in his own living room.
They told the policeman the man they collided with was on his phone and drinking a can of beer.
The policeman said he can do what he likes in his own living room.
A old lady was watching TV and it went out.
She called a repairman, when he arrived
She said "it just doesn't work any more"
He said "i'll look at it and see if it's serious"
She went to the kitchen and while she was gone the repairman started working.
From the tv to the chair with the remote, back and forth he went.
He was back at the remote and noticed some peanuts next to the chair, thinking she wouldn't notice he helped himself.
Finally getting the tv working he noticed he had eaten almost all of the peanuts, feeling guilty when she came in to see the tv on he felt like he needed to apologize for eating most of the peanuts.
Lady said" that's okay, I don't like peanuts and those are just the ones I sucked the chocolate off of"
She called a repairman, when he arrived
She said "it just doesn't work any more"
He said "i'll look at it and see if it's serious"
She went to the kitchen and while she was gone the repairman started working.
From the tv to the chair with the remote, back and forth he went.
He was back at the remote and noticed some peanuts next to the chair, thinking she wouldn't notice he helped himself.
Finally getting the tv working he noticed he had eaten almost all of the peanuts, feeling guilty when she came in to see the tv on he felt like he needed to apologize for eating most of the peanuts.
Lady said" that's okay, I don't like peanuts and those are just the ones I sucked the chocolate off of"
When you get hit in the mouth and realize... It's not snow... It's Ash
Supreme Court already ruled that a vehicle is like a man's home, that is why one can carry across state lines...just keeping moving and don't stop in IL or NY, MA, etc.
Little Johnny O'Reilly sat on the curb shaking a small bottle of clear liquid watching it fizz. The parish Priest, Father Connor came by and asked him what he had.
Little Johnny told the Father he had some turpentine, "the most pwerfulest liquid in the world".
Father Connor said "Eye Johnny, Holy water is the most powerfulest liquid in the world. For if you put a drop of holy water on an expectant mothers belly, shell pass a child."
Little Johnny said, Oh hell, that's nothing Father. If you put a drop of this on a cats ass he'll pass a fockin motorbike!"
Little Johnny told the Father he had some turpentine, "the most pwerfulest liquid in the world".
Father Connor said "Eye Johnny, Holy water is the most powerfulest liquid in the world. For if you put a drop of holy water on an expectant mothers belly, shell pass a child."
Little Johnny said, Oh hell, that's nothing Father. If you put a drop of this on a cats ass he'll pass a fockin motorbike!"
What do you call a Taliban who fucks sheep as well as goats?
Bisexual ?
Bisexual ?
I went to a flash nightclub last Friday as I NEEDED TO GET LAID and there was a Whale of a lady sitting in a private area.
I don't know how it happened, but she called me over and we really hit it off. Everything was going fine until we went back to my place.
I turned on the light and she gave a disgusted laugh and said "That's really pathetic! How do you think you'll satisfy me with such a tiny thing like that?"
"Gee" I said "I'm sorry, but it was the biggest fridge I could afford
I don't know how it happened, but she called me over and we really hit it off. Everything was going fine until we went back to my place.
I turned on the light and she gave a disgusted laugh and said "That's really pathetic! How do you think you'll satisfy me with such a tiny thing like that?"
"Gee" I said "I'm sorry, but it was the biggest fridge I could afford
And Pfizer has come out with a companion drug for curing weak urine streams. They call it, Niagra.
Imagine a woman telling this joke, that's how I heard it the first time...
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
The 12 year old I've got tied up in my trunk!
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
The 12 year old I've got tied up in my trunk!
What’s black and brown and looks good on a Puerto Rican?
A German Shepherd
Sirhr
A German Shepherd
Sirhr
A large commercial airplane was having engine trouble on an international flight. When a second engine failed while trying to return for a safe landing, the passengers where told they needed to dump some luggage to lighten the plane. After they dumped the luggage a third engine failed.
The pilot announced that the plane would go down if more weight was not removed. He asked for volunteers to jump out of the airplane to save the remaining passengers. After no one spoke up, the pilot announced that the only fair way to save as many lives as possible was to have people escorted out by alphabetical order.
So the pilot then asks that all African Americans please stand up. No one gets up. He then asks, all Blacks please stand up. No one moves. Will all the Coons please stand up. Still no one moves.
A small colored boy looks at his father and whispers "Dad, I think they are talking about us". The Dad says, "Boy, today we are niggers, and we ain't jumpin til after the Mexicans".
The pilot announced that the plane would go down if more weight was not removed. He asked for volunteers to jump out of the airplane to save the remaining passengers. After no one spoke up, the pilot announced that the only fair way to save as many lives as possible was to have people escorted out by alphabetical order.
So the pilot then asks that all African Americans please stand up. No one gets up. He then asks, all Blacks please stand up. No one moves. Will all the Coons please stand up. Still no one moves.
A small colored boy looks at his father and whispers "Dad, I think they are talking about us". The Dad says, "Boy, today we are niggers, and we ain't jumpin til after the Mexicans".
Socially unacceptable?
How about 3 lbs of pre-mixed Tannerite in a kitty cat backpack?
How about 3 lbs of pre-mixed Tannerite in a kitty cat backpack?
I hope you guys know they're PRing people from hell to make room for ya'll.?
Taste like shrimp unless she wipes back to front! If so , shit!
Einstein wasn't an atheist... in fact, he was so religious that it prevented him from seeing that some of his mathematical theories (and the theories of others) were correct. Prevented him from buying into quantum theory for a long time with his famous quote "God does not play dice with the Universe." I may have butchered that... but one gets the idea.
Darwin was Agnostic... he didn't deny a diety but didn't subscribe to one, either.
Carl Sagan was a communist.... That's a religion of sorts.
Ben Franklin was most certainly religious, but he eschewed church services, especially by "Dullard pastors." And didn't like Church power structures. He wrote a famous letter to an atheist c. 1760 in which he beat up on a manuscript that attacked religion. Letter may have been to Thomas Paine, I can't recall.
Edison (I think that's him in white) was not an atheist, but was a fan of Thomas Paine and did not like organized religion. Despite having personal faith.
Someone else can look up Jefferson, Lincoln and Obiwan Kenobe (wasn't the Jedi a Religous order?)
Hey, I'm an atheist.... I subscribe to physics and cosmology. But as an historian... got to at least keep our facts straight! And won't push my views on dead people or living ones!
Ok, back to tits and front butts my fellow deplorables!
I think the guy in white is supposed to be Mark Twain. No idea what if any religious beliefs.
Jefferson wasn't an atheist, but not what most would consider a believer either.
Jefferson wasn't an atheist, but not what most would consider a believer either.
That has been soooooooo.... disproven. Was the construct of some revisionist academics who wanted to put the gay stamp on Lincoln. Got them a PhD dissertation and a nice tenure track position at some Ivy League craphole. It's based on historically tenuous B.S. and should never have gotten past the dissertation review committee... but they weren't about to look homophobic. So awarded the doctorate on someone whose research was so appalling as to be a joke.
But now Lincoln can be taught in school as our greatest Gay... not as the man who held the Union together. No agenda there.
Sorry, three cups of coffee this morning and I am on a history rant.
Cheers,
Sirhr
P.S. Yes, that is Mark Twain. Those seersucker-wearing whisker warriors all look the same to me. At first, I thought he invented fried chicken..
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