Yep, a Congress is a bunch of salamanders. A more fitting description of a bunch of slimy folks.
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Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
- Thread starter Duc
- Start date
Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
Then POOF! she was gone.
After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred.
"Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back "I'm over here, in the pussy willows".
Harry yells back... "DON'T SWING, FRED!! For God's sake, DON'T SWING!!"
All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
Then POOF! she was gone.
After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred.
"Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back "I'm over here, in the pussy willows".
Harry yells back... "DON'T SWING, FRED!! For God's sake, DON'T SWING!!"
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said "I think I was just molested back there".
The bus driver looked at her and said "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been". So, he lets her off and drives on.
He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says "I think I was just molested back there".
Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees.
The bus driver says "Sir, what are you doing?"
The man looks at him and says "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again".
The bus driver looked at her and said "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been". So, he lets her off and drives on.
He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says "I think I was just molested back there".
Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees.
The bus driver says "Sir, what are you doing?"
The man looks at him and says "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again".
I'm too full of newly polished moonshine to give a hobo's foreskin that this may not be the thread to post this in and it's not worthy of a thread of it's own, but I felt the urge to share my amused contempt for the politically correct, "woke", motherfuckers who slime their way among us.
As exemplified by those in the article below.
Anti-racism protesters mistakenly topple statue of anti-slavery activist
Anti-racism protesters mistakenly topple statue of anti-slavery activist
In an embarrassing moment, anti-racism protesters tear down a statue of a Civil War colonel who tried to stop slavery.www.abc.net.au
In the sober light of day, I feel the need to qualify my latest bout of verbal diarrhea.
I strongly agree with the sentiments and intent of the BLM, even some of their actions.
The word slime was, and is, directed to the self important, self righteous, politically correct virtue signallers who attach themselves like a tick on the scrotum of anything they think will bring them attention. They are as bad for any cause as the sort of cunts who infiltrate otherwise peaceful gatherings and kick off a shit storm.
As to the removal of statues of certain historical figures, I believe that if we allow history to be selectively edited, we risk repeating the sorts of things the would-be editors want to erase.
If a statue is seen as glorifying someone who also had what today is seen as dark things in their past, like a massacre of indigenous people etc, all that needs doing is a sign or plaque that explains both the good and the bad of the person depicted.
What's going on now is akin to book burning.
M
There's some people on some mighty fine drugs out there, or do they have computers in the rubber room now? Maybe both
There's some people on some mighty fine drugs out there, or do they have computers in the rubber room now? Maybe both
There's some people on some mighty fine drugs out there, or do they have computers in the rubber room now. Maybe both.
Either way I'm deviant enough to find it strangely compelling
Just had a thought
If two opposing teams of 3 or 4 people arguing a point is called a debate, then ipso facto a whole chamber full of politicians divided into two sides arguing a point would have to be a mass debate, right?
I see what you did there...
A smoking hot young woman goes to the doctor, she says, "Doctor, I don't know why but my vulva is quite sore."
"Well" says the doctor, "let's see what we can do for you, remove your panties and get into the stirrups for me please."
The woman does as asked, the doc takes a look and says, "Ah, I see. Would you like me to numb it for you?"
"Yes please" replied the woman.
"Certainly," says the doc and shoves his face right into it, "Mmmmmm, numb numb numb numb numb numb."
"Well" says the doctor, "let's see what we can do for you, remove your panties and get into the stirrups for me please."
The woman does as asked, the doc takes a look and says, "Ah, I see. Would you like me to numb it for you?"
"Yes please" replied the woman.
"Certainly," says the doc and shoves his face right into it, "Mmmmmm, numb numb numb numb numb numb."
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P
Probably didn't even glance at the inscription.
Young Dave lives with his Mum and Dad up in Snake Gully in the hills behind Gundagai.
Dave's just married young Mabel from the farm nextdoor.
Not knowing much about human females, he'd asked Dad for some pointers for the wedding night.
Dave and Mabel are in his room getting undressed for the big night when Dave gets nervous and decides to get some last minute advice from Dad in the next room.
As soon as Dave leaves the room Mable gets an unstoppable urge for a shit. The long-drop dunny is down the yard and it's raining. She searches around, can't find a chamber pot, the only thing was an old shoebox, things were getting urgent so she shit in the box.
She's just pinched one off when she hears Dave opening the door.
She quickly blows out the lamp and jumps into bed.
As Dave's walking in the dark to his bed, he steps right in the shoebox.
"Aaww fuck, there's shit in this box!" he yells.
Dad calls out from his room, "For fuck sake Dave, turn her over!"
Dave's just married young Mabel from the farm nextdoor.
Not knowing much about human females, he'd asked Dad for some pointers for the wedding night.
Dave and Mabel are in his room getting undressed for the big night when Dave gets nervous and decides to get some last minute advice from Dad in the next room.
As soon as Dave leaves the room Mable gets an unstoppable urge for a shit. The long-drop dunny is down the yard and it's raining. She searches around, can't find a chamber pot, the only thing was an old shoebox, things were getting urgent so she shit in the box.
She's just pinched one off when she hears Dave opening the door.
She quickly blows out the lamp and jumps into bed.
As Dave's walking in the dark to his bed, he steps right in the shoebox.
"Aaww fuck, there's shit in this box!" he yells.
Dad calls out from his room, "For fuck sake Dave, turn her over!"
Probably wouldn't comprehend if they did.
An introverted and impressionable young teen was furiously masturbating into the bathroom sink one day when his Mum walked in.
"Oh my goodness," she exclaimed " you shouldn't be doing that. You should save that for your wife."
A good lad who always listened to his parents, he followed her advice and by the time he was married he had a fucking great jar full for her wedding present.
"Oh my goodness," she exclaimed " you shouldn't be doing that. You should save that for your wife."
A good lad who always listened to his parents, he followed her advice and by the time he was married he had a fucking great jar full for her wedding present.
Made that into a Tee shirt . Ordered 2 . One for me and one for the wife .
I would like to register a complaint about sexual harassment. Back when i worked as a bouncer i had women make sexual remarks and feel me up, pat my bum and now I am suffering from the memories of that. Does it matter that it was years ago, can i still make a claim. I may need psychological help and sex therapy do ya think i can get that for free?? 
@1J04 only charges a nominal fee for those services.I would like to register a complaint about sexual harassment. Back when i worked as a bouncer i had women make sexual remarks and feel me up, pat my bum and now I am suffering from the memories of that. Does it matter that it was years ago, can i still make a claim. I may need psychological help and sex therapy do ya think i can get that for free??
It was a lovely spring morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, colourful butterflies flitted from flower to flower.
It was so lovely that little Molly wandered through the park, fascinated by the beauty of nature.
She sat down in a large patch of daisies and was happily making a chain when an elderly gentleman walking past stopped to watch.
"That's a lovely chain you've made" he said.
Little Molly looked up and her sweet brown eyes locked on to the bag of lollies the old man was holding.
"Oh" chuckled the old gent kindly, " would you like a lolly, little girl?"
Molly looked up at him with her head slightly tilted and thought about it for a second before responding.
"Yeah, but first show us ya cock."
It was so lovely that little Molly wandered through the park, fascinated by the beauty of nature.
She sat down in a large patch of daisies and was happily making a chain when an elderly gentleman walking past stopped to watch.
"That's a lovely chain you've made" he said.
Little Molly looked up and her sweet brown eyes locked on to the bag of lollies the old man was holding.
"Oh" chuckled the old gent kindly, " would you like a lolly, little girl?"
Molly looked up at him with her head slightly tilted and thought about it for a second before responding.
"Yeah, but first show us ya cock."
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
It followed her to school one day
And a big black dog fucked it.
It's fleece was white as snow
It followed her to school one day
And a big black dog fucked it.
Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
With Silver Bells and cockle shells,
But the weeds fuck it up.
With Silver Bells and cockle shells,
But the weeds fuck it up.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You burn my house
And I'll shoot at you
Violets are blue
You burn my house
And I'll shoot at you
Black bitch
Black bitch
Lips like a frog
Bend your ass over
And I’ll fuck you like dog
Black bitch
Lips like a frog
Bend your ass over
And I’ll fuck you like dog
Stand a while
And make a big smile
Shout and scream Black Lives Matter
The cross hairs settle while I make you splatter
And make a big smile
Shout and scream Black Lives Matter
The cross hairs settle while I make you splatter
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said
What's in the bowl Bitch
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said
What's in the bowl Bitch
Pepsi-cola
Hogs-asshola
Who shit on my victrola?
Bitches, bastards, indian snot,
49 assholes tied in a knot,
All little bitches smile.
Hogs-asshola
Who shit on my victrola?
Bitches, bastards, indian snot,
49 assholes tied in a knot,
All little bitches smile.
There was a young man fom Nantucket
His cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as it went past his chin
If my ear was a cunt, I'd fuck it.
His cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as it went past his chin
If my ear was a cunt, I'd fuck it.
Two young nuns are riding their bicycles through an old French village, one said to the other "I've never come this way before."
"Me either" replied the second, "perhaps it's the cobblestones."
"Me either" replied the second, "perhaps it's the cobblestones."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Love sucks
Fuck you.
That is for my ex!
Violets are blue
Love sucks
Fuck you.
That is for my ex!
And there was the young man from Wick,
Who was born with a corkscrew prick,
He spent a life long hunt ,
Looking for a girl with a spiral cunt,
On his wedding night he dropped down dead,
He found she had a left hand thread.
Who was born with a corkscrew prick,
He spent a life long hunt ,
Looking for a girl with a spiral cunt,
On his wedding night he dropped down dead,
He found she had a left hand thread.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, in Chicago IMHO
Humpty Dumpty took a great Fall.
All the King's horses and All the King's Men
Couldn't put Humpty back together again.
Now I think they roll up, look it over, and say.
Awh,hell,,,, Noooo, You made this mess, Now lay in it.
It's FULL of SHIT and YOUR made of it.
Humpty Dumpty took a great Fall.
All the King's horses and All the King's Men
Couldn't put Humpty back together again.
Now I think they roll up, look it over, and say.
Awh,hell,,,, Noooo, You made this mess, Now lay in it.
It's FULL of SHIT and YOUR made of it.
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Who else knows the "Mother Goose me Again Rhymes???"
There are a lot of them out there and most are Funny as hell.
There are a lot of them out there and most are Funny as hell.
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