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Maggie’s Socially UNacceptable Humor
- Thread starter Duc
- Start date
Ok.... that's as socially unacceptable as I can get without being totally lit on cheap red wine.
So I am off to drink some cheap red wine...
Cheers,
Sirhr
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For you guys that like small booties.
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This is worth repeating... A midget psychic broke out of jail. The police put out an ABP for a small, medium at large.
The Three Little Pigs - Italian Style
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."
And he did!!!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."
And he did!!!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out stepped two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the fucking wolf dead, then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins
... the Guinea Pigs"
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."
And he did!!!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."
And he did!!!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out stepped two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the fucking wolf dead, then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins
... the Guinea Pigs"
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That right there is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long long time. God Damn That's Funny. The eyes say it all..............
NICE JOB !!!!!
So I ate at a new local restaurant and enjoyed my meal immensely. So I asked to talk to the chef and when he came out I complimented him on the meal and asked where he trained. He gave a huge sigh and said that he was trained in the classical French style of cooking and had a number of awards, but people just wouldn't call him chef.
That surprised me and I asked him why that was. He shook his head and told me that people are just unfair. As an example, he said that before he became a chef, he had earned his doctorates degree in Psychology and had written some well respected papers with great peer review, but people just wouldn't call him doctor.
So now I became really curious and pressed him for more information, as this seemed crazy to me. So much talent but with no peer recognition. I asked, "To what do you attribute this lack of recognition?"
"Well", he said, "you excel at things and people like what you do, but you fuck one goat ..."
That surprised me and I asked him why that was. He shook his head and told me that people are just unfair. As an example, he said that before he became a chef, he had earned his doctorates degree in Psychology and had written some well respected papers with great peer review, but people just wouldn't call him doctor.
So now I became really curious and pressed him for more information, as this seemed crazy to me. So much talent but with no peer recognition. I asked, "To what do you attribute this lack of recognition?"
"Well", he said, "you excel at things and people like what you do, but you fuck one goat ..."
Subject: Larry's story
Larry was having trouble in school, and his teacher was always yelling at him saying "You're driving me crazy Larry ! Can't you learn anything? "One day Larry's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her frankly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Larry's mother was shocked at the feedback from the teacher. She withdrew her son from the school and moved out of Detroit relocating to Cleveland. Twenty five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised that she have an open heart procedure which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation which was remarkably successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand trying to tell him something but quickly arrested. A prolonged resuscitation attempt was unsuccessful. The doctor was shocked wondering what had happened and why she had deteriorated so rapidly. As he turned around to leave the room he saw that Larry now a janitor at the Clinic had unplugged the life support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought that Larry had become a heart surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you VOTED for Hillary.
Larry was having trouble in school, and his teacher was always yelling at him saying "You're driving me crazy Larry ! Can't you learn anything? "One day Larry's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her frankly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Larry's mother was shocked at the feedback from the teacher. She withdrew her son from the school and moved out of Detroit relocating to Cleveland. Twenty five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised that she have an open heart procedure which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation which was remarkably successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand trying to tell him something but quickly arrested. A prolonged resuscitation attempt was unsuccessful. The doctor was shocked wondering what had happened and why she had deteriorated so rapidly. As he turned around to leave the room he saw that Larry now a janitor at the Clinic had unplugged the life support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought that Larry had become a heart surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you VOTED for Hillary.
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