The ex wife

P

Prison Mike

Staff Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Supporter
Feb 4, 2011
428
90
Wilmington, NC
#1
Time to vent.....

Ill start from the beginning. In Jan 09 I deployed to IRQ for a year and sent the wife back home to TN to live with her parents (big mistake). Everything seemed to be going great... but then around the October time frame when I was gearing up to come home, She hits with a bomb! "I need some time" she says. As soon as she said that I knew where she was going with it. So when it did finally happen in December I was prepared for it. But what I wasnt prepared for was never getting to see my son.

Now get this... she and my son went to NC to move all of my stuff into my new house for me and then left back for TN the <span style="font-style: italic">DAY BEFORE</span> I got back home. I got to go home in Jan on Post deployment leave and I spent every minute with him that I could. The divorce finally went through in Feb. I didnt have the money to hire a lawyer b/c she decided that she would take the money that I had saved from deployment to pay for HER lawyer.
mad.gif
So when it came time for court (with no money for travel) I couldnt make the court date. I had spoken with her on the phone about visitation rights and everything seemed pretty fair and set in stone. But dumb ol me... when I got the parenting plan in the mail a couple weeks later, the visitation was, and I quote "supervised visitation when father is home from leave until upon which time the father can complete anger managment." ANGER MANAGEMENT??? WTF?? I have never given her any reason to think I have anger problems. I mean who doesnt slap their wife around a little?
grin.gif
(JUST KIDDING). Anyways, so instead of having a pissing contest I decide to suck it up and do the A.M anyways, just to statisfy her. I do the classes, get the week long anger management certificate, mail it to her lawyer, and <span style="font-weight: bold">BOOM</span> solves that problem, right? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO its not <span style="font-style: italic">GOOD ENOUGH</span>!! So at this point I have had enough! Around the June time frame I lend the money from my dad to get a lawyer. Now keep in mind, Im in the military. The lawyer is in TN and im in NC (coastal). The lawyer advises me to find a certified counselor and have him do a full eval on me. So I comply. Counselor says Im perfectly fine and he has no reason to suspect me of any kind of anger or stress issues. i mail all the paperwork to my lawyer and he routes up to the court. Finally, last week it got signed by the judge. So Im finally home free. No supervised visitation anymore right?.... WRONG!!! I was served today with papers from her lawyer stating that she wants a "graduated" visitation plan set.

Now Ill try to explain what this "graduated" plan is. Due to my paying of child support, cost of travel b/t NC and Tn, and my average paycheck I simply cant afford to go home every other month to see my son. Not to mention, she wont let him travel out of the COUNTY to see me so Im screwed there too. Now according to her lawyer, this graduated visitation plan is to allow strict unsupervised vistation hours each day, so that <span style="font-style: italic">MY SON</span> will remember who <span style="font-style: italic">I AM</span> since I rarely get to go home. I cant keep him overnight or anything. Now my lawyer is telling me that my previous retainer is all used up and he will require another retainer fee in order for him to represent me in this matter. So im royally fucked, b/c since this came up last minute I dont have money to pay him for his services.

To save everyone time and my lack of wanting to get tendonitis from typing, I left out a few details about how nice I have been to her throughout this entire painstaking process. Whats a man to do?

O and just to throw this out there..... she dosent have a job and lives with her parents. There have been numerous intances where I have called to talk to my son and she wouldnt be there. A couple of days later friends of mine would call me and tell me they saw her out at a party somewhere. I dont give a flying fuck what she does in her own time. Thats on her, but what i do care about is that she is going out and leaving my son with her parents. UGH!!
 
#3
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Brutas</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The moral of the story..

Don't get married! </div></div>

I couldn't have said it better myself!!
 
#4
Re: The ex wife

There is something she wants (maybe just ot hurt U, more $...don't know) that she is not getting or wants??? Otherwise there is no reason to fight and make lawyers wealthy
Your child is key.
Pay another retainer and fight her unreasonable behavior, or U and your child are SOL
 
#6
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: fx77</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is something she wants (maybe just ot hurt U, more $...don't know) that she is not getting or wants??? Otherwise there is no reason to fight and make lawyers wealthy
Your child is key.
Pay another retainer and fight her unreasonable behavior, or U and your child are SOL </div></div>

I completely agree!!!!!! She used to call me up when she had bad dreams and shit. At first I thought this was a sign of saying she wanted me to fight for her, but I she has a boyfriend so surely that wouldn't be it. Idk......
 
#7
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MANIMAL</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

Ill start from the beginning. In Jan 09 I deployed to IRQ for a year and sent the wife back home to TN to live with her parents (big mistake).

"I need some time" </div></div>

Sounds like she hooked up with an ex or maybe her parents poisoned the well? Either way, doesn't sound good. It also sounds like you're inability to fight her has led to her throwing everything and the kitchen sink at you.

Did you even get served with notices of these hearings or a TRO/RO?
 
#10
Re: The ex wife

I'm sorry to hear about your life getting so messed up.

Unfortunately you made the mistake that I have seen so many in the military do, and that is expecting any decency or fair play from your wife when she figures out that she can dump you, keep all your money, use the kid as an anchor to your wallet for the next 18 years so she can life the good life on your paycheck

Too often wild lies are the name of the game as there is never any charges or even a slap on the wrist when it gets proven that all the crazy charges were just lies designed to try to get more money.

What you should have done is the first moment you heard that she needed time or space, you should have done whatever it took to get the best lawyer out there and tell them that you don't want to hear about the details, you just want them to hit the soon to be ex as hard as they can with everything and fight as dirty as they have to.

It's nothing about you, it's all about her having figured out that she can now live job free on your money, and use your kid as an emotional weapon against you and as a weapon in court for the next 18 years (or however long till your kid turns 18) to get all the money she can. Don't expect that to ever change.

Making you out to be bad and trying to keep you away from your kid is a ploy to get more money from you and more sympathy from friends / relatives / courts.

I'd find a way to get the money and get the lawyer and tell him to take the gloves off and do what you are paying him to do which is to try to salvage as much of your life as you can & hopefully be able to have a relationship with your kid.

You might want to take a read of this, it's a bit long but I think it will help a lot in understanding what you are up against. Misandry

 
#13
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: JRose</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Take her on a scuba trip to Austraila. </div></div>

Fantastic idea. Just, don't take a camera.
 
#14
Re: The ex wife

Sorry to hear that! I dont even know what to say.

Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesnt die.

Lawyers are the scum of the earth. But if your gonna enrich one, get the best one you can afford, because they are worth it.
 
#15
Re: The ex wife

Manimal,

I can relate to what you are going threw. The best advice i can give you is release your atty, they are worthless. The atty's will drag your case out as long as possible because that's how they make a living. You may think that is crazy.

My boys mom shagged ass late 08 time frame, i hired an atty because i was over run with emotion and had no idea what to do. He did to me as your atty has done to you, wanted more and more money. I had enough, so i joined a local fathers rights group and studied the guidelines, rules of family court, statutes and so on. Now looking back i can see first hand the mistakes that were made from my atty and i catch the ex's atty's mistakes, he hates it to.

So if possible take your case in to your own hands, it will take hard work on your part but you will save a LOT of money and know it is done right. I wish you luck.
 
#16
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LILBUCK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
So if possible take your case in to your own hands, it will take hard work on your part but you will save a LOT of money and know it is done right. I wish you luck. </div></div>


There's an old adage that says: 'He who has himself for an attorney has a fool for a client.'
 
#17
Re: The ex wife

Thanks guys for all the advice. Things have been an emotional roller coaster over the last year. I believe what happened was she went back home and started living with her parents and realized she didn't have to work for anything and collect child support at the same time..... Fucking bitch!
 
#18
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: W54/XM-388</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You might want to take a read of this, it's a bit long but I think it will help a lot in understanding what you are up against. Misandry
</div></div>

Every man should read this! And every woman too, before they get married. I wish I had! I just want to kick myself in the ass for jumping into marriage.
 
#19
Re: The ex wife

Man.... I feel your pain, like in a flashback. When I got divorced I came out of it with a empty bank account and a number of maxed out credit cards, a $75000 mortgage I didn't want, 50% less in my pension, my toothbrush and my balls. AND I had what was said to be one of the best lawyers around.

From my own experience here in Wisconsin, and experience as a LEO, I can tell you that...

1. Local lawyers (same County) all drink coffee together. Your chance of finding a true advocate for YOU is doubtful locally.

2. You don't want a popular attorney... you want a bastard. A guy that will advocate for YOU and not roll over at the slightest glance. Someone to come up with lots of creative demands and Court appearances just like hers is now.

3. No matter what you do... it will hurt financially and hurt your pride. It's the gift that keeps on giving when kids are involved. Divorce lawyers and women's advocates make every woman feel like a victim of abuse even if there never was any. That's how they can keep coming to the trough for more of "what they are entitled to".

4. Oh yeah... women will nearly always prevail in Court with just what they want no matter what unless you can show it's totally unreasonable. And that ain't easy...

Other States may be different.
 
#20
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LILBUCK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Manimal,
I had enough, so i joined a local fathers rights group and studied the guidelines, rules of family court, statutes and so on. Now looking back i can see first hand the mistakes that were made from my atty and i catch the ex's atty's mistakes, he hates it to.

So if possible take your case in to your own hands, it will take hard work on your part but you will save a LOT of money and know it is done right. I wish you luck. </div></div>

i had to do something similar when i came time to get visitation with my son luckily my then girlfriend now my wife is one of the smartest people i know and helped me with all of the legal bs paperwork when we went to court my wife pointed out all of the mistakes to the judge that my ex's lawyer made and asked him if he even knew how to spell lawyer lol if i ever get divorced i am fucked the best advice i can give you is start dating a law student
 
#21
Re: The ex wife

God bless you! I would have lost my mind!
You need to save up for a good lawyer and have this reviewed.
The laws are so biased today towards serving the female in these instances vs playing fairly/equaly!

I hope it works out for you!
 
#22
Re: The ex wife

Manimal Keep fighting and doing what the best lawyer you can get says has to be done. When I got divorced I was lucky and got custody. If there was a way to have children without women being involved think how great the world would be.Good luck
 
#23
Re: The ex wife

Its just fucked up to me how much things have changed. Women think that they can initiate divorce, take the kid away and then ask for child support and alimony. Even if the husband does not want a dovorce he still has to pay child support. In the past two years I have spent a total of about 10 hours with my son. last time I went home on leave, I showed up to get my son and she would not let me take him off of her parents property... like I was going to kidnap him or something! She wanted me to sit there under her and her parents asses and spend time with my son. Couldnt take him fishing or nothing. And she wonders why he "doesnt know who I am."
 
#24
Re: The ex wife

Well just got some good news.... the hearing for the graduated visitation was originally on Apr 18 and i wasnt going to be able to make it home until April 26, so my attorney said he was going to have the hearing postponed until I am home at no charge to me. So worst case scenario I will be able to be there and represent myself if for some reason I cant come up with the retainer fees.
 
#25
Re: The ex wife

When you are in a position to do it, you can always take the matter back to court and have anything you want modified. You can go on the offense just like she did. You just have to get the resources to do so. If you find a friend who is also an attorney.....
 
#26
Re: The ex wife

This is a horrible story and makes me scared to think that it could happen in this country.

If she is truely a party animal you could send a P.I. to keep an eye on her. If she's always out drinkning and the like you might get the courts to favor you a little. Just a thought off the cuff.

I'm really sorry that you are serving this country and this is how you are repaid.

I don't know what your thoughts about religion are but I'll be praying for you and your son tonight.

Good luck brother and please keep your head up, or down, depending on if your home or in the sandbox.
smile.gif
 
#27
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LILBUCK</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Manimal,
I had enough, so i joined a local fathers rights group and studied the guidelines, rules of family court, statutes and so on. Now looking back i can see first hand the mistakes that were made from my atty and i catch the ex's atty's mistakes, he hates it to.

So if possible take your case in to your own hands, it will take hard work on your part but you will save a LOT of money and know it is done right. I wish you luck. </div></div>

i had to do something similar when i came time to get visitation with my son luckily my then girlfriend now my wife is one of the smartest people i know and helped me with all of the legal bs paperwork when we went to court my wife pointed out all of the mistakes to the judge that my ex's lawyer made and asked him if he even knew how to spell lawyer lol if i ever get divorced i am fucked the best advice i can give you is start dating a law student </div></div>

I like it.
As I told a friend when his exbitch tolk him back to court to get child support raised, "Get a lawyer, even if you have to make payments." He didn't and got at least half screwed; child support on youngest raised but didn't have to pay her child support on the kid that lived with him and had moved out 2 days before she got back for his high school graduation. Yes, she tried to get child support on a kid that was living with her exhusband.
 
#28
Re: The ex wife

shit, pal. That is asinine! Isn't it ironic that you don't have anger problems to begin with, but by the time they're done with you, you want to explode. Crazy shit. Fucking divorce.
 
#30
Re: The ex wife

I fell for you the legal system is crap to put it mildly. Honestly it is hard as hell to get rights from a mother as they seem to think the mother is the end all be all in raising a kid. Don't know how we got here, but it is the facts.

These stories and when someone smokes an intruder in their own house and then gets sentenced for killing or injurying the intruder pisses me off.

Educate yourself, because as others have said it really is you against the system. Best of luck!
 
#32
Re: The ex wife

Thanks everyone for your support. It's good to feel like I'm not the bad guy in all of this bc going through all this shit will make you wonder where you went wrong or what you did to deserve this. Thanks again for your prayers and support.
 
#33
Re: The ex wife

You said somethings here that really struck me--

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MANIMAL</div><div class="ubbcode-body">... Due to my paying of child support, cost of travel b/t NC and Tn, and my average paycheck I simply cant afford to go home every other month to see my son. Not to mention, she wont let him travel out of the COUNTY to see me so Im screwed there too. Now according to her lawyer, this graduated visitation plan is to allow strict unsupervised vistation hours each day, so that <span style="font-style: italic">MY SON</span> will remember who <span style="font-style: italic">I AM</span> since I rarely get to go home. I cant keep him overnight or anything. ...</div></div>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MANIMAL</div><div class="ubbcode-body">... but what i do care about is that she is going out and leaving my son with her parents. UGH!! </div></div>

Who says she can restrict your son to the county's boundaries for visitation rights--her, or the court (same question about keeping your son overnight)? If it's the court, I'd get your lawyer to argue that for you; if not, I'd get him to force the court to stipulate that the child is allowed to travel or be driven by his mother to meet you. How old is your son? ("divorce" kids fly unaccompanied by relatives all the time)



Does anyone know if Manimal can petition the court to restrict her parents' access to the grandchild? What's your reason for disliking the parents--if it's character or conduct, can you prove it to the court? That'd go a long way in justifying a petition to restrict them from your son.

Good luck.
 
#34
Re: The ex wife

Of course man, anyone who has ever had the misfortune of dating a psyco is praying for you....

Now let me inject a thought or two from the darkside...

1- You got divorced in TN right? Might want to check on there laws for the following:

First she is using your love for your son to blackmail you...except you are not getting anything out of it - so check the law and see what your options are for signing away parental rights... no rights to visit no responibilties.... no payments

I realize this seems cold but evaluate where you are, what are you going to be able to do, and what influence are you really going to have in your sons life?

Look at it as it is... she raped you and is using it to keep you paying her

Second if you are going to fight her in court ...keep it on the down low get some rock solid friends to photograph her(at these parties doing what paty gurls do) and document her habits in a couple of week period...and they are prepared to testify....

do what we do put a team together conduct lrs and document and be reliable and person of integerty who can brief it back to the court to show how unfit she is....down low and undetected or the stalking issue could be raised... why it is better that more one person doing it and in no way can you be invovled....


As some one already said if you use a lawyer use one from the state near the area but not one from the same town or county.

Your either have to attack this from one extreme or the other....If you stay in the middle of the road- you will get ran over.-thats where most play and you can see the results.

Don't fight for your right to see him.....hit with what she don't expect all or none.... your family as his gaurdian or no support at all...



Best of luck to you
 
#35
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: unrepentant</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You said somethings here that really struck me--
Who says she can restrict your son to the county's boundaries for visitation rights--her, or the court (same question about keeping your son overnight)? If it's the court, I'd get your lawyer to argue that for you; if not, I'd get him to force the court to stipulate that the child is allowed to travel or be driven by his mother to meet you. How old is your son? ("divorce" kids fly unaccompanied by relatives all the time)
</div></div>

She doesnt even let him stay overnight with me. Theres no way in hell she'd let me taking him out of the state. I have said something to her about flying him to NC and she said hes too young to fly. Which is BS because I just so happen to know that flight attendants will take the child to any connecting flights and make sure they get where they need to be. My lawyer send a letter to her lawyer requesting that she reconsider letting me have him during his breaks when he starts school, but she refused. Now im looking at remediation and more court time and lawyer fees.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kytrapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Now let me inject a thought or two from the darkside...
First she is using your love for your son to blackmail you...except you are not getting anything out of it - so check the law and see what your options are for signing away parental rights... no rights to visit no responibilties.... no payments
Your either have to attack this from one extreme or the other....If you stay in the middle of the road- you will get ran over.-thats where most play and you can see the results.

Don't fight for your right to see him.....hit with what she don't expect all or none.... your family as his gaurdian or no support at all... </div></div>

Not to sound heartless here, but Ill be the first to admit that I have considered just signing my rights over. Im almost 22 years old and have my whole life ahead of me. My son is almost a thousand miles away from me and I simply do not have the funds to keep going back and forth to court. And what happens when Im sucked dry? She could request whatever she wanted, go to the hearing, and since Im so far away and dont have the money to appear in court, she will get anything she wants. The only reason Im going to be able to appear in court next month is because my lawyer fells sympathetic for me and he is having the hearing pushed back until I come home for free. But something just tells me that signing my rights over would be a bad move. My father was the biggest dead beat in the world, but yet he never signed his rights over and I respect him for that. Plus there is no guarantee that I wont have to pay child support anymore even if I do sign over my rights. And I just dont see the courts giving me full supervision unless I can come up with some rock solid proof of her be unfit...
 
#37
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MANIMAL</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: unrepentant</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You said somethings here that really struck me--
Who says she can restrict your son to the county's boundaries for visitation rights--her, or the court (same question about keeping your son overnight)? If it's the court, I'd get your lawyer to argue that for you; if not, I'd get him to force the court to stipulate that the child is allowed to travel or be driven by his mother to meet you. How old is your son? ("divorce" kids fly unaccompanied by relatives all the time)
</div></div>

She doesnt even let him stay overnight with me. Theres no way in hell she'd let me taking him out of the state. I have said something to her about flying him to NC and she said hes too young to fly. Which is BS because I just so happen to know that flight attendants will take the child to any connecting flights and make sure they get where they need to be. My lawyer send a letter to her lawyer requesting that she reconsider letting me have him during his breaks when he starts school, but she refused. Now im looking at remediation and more court time and lawyer fees.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kytrapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Now let me inject a thought or two from the darkside...
First she is using your love for your son to blackmail you...except you are not getting anything out of it - so check the law and see what your options are for signing away parental rights... no rights to visit no responibilties.... no payments
Your either have to attack this from one extreme or the other....If you stay in the middle of the road- you will get ran over.-thats where most play and you can see the results.

Don't fight for your right to see him.....hit with what she don't expect all or none.... your family as his gaurdian or no support at all... </div></div>

Not to sound heartless here, but Ill be the first to admit that I have considered just signing my rights over. Im almost 22 years old and have my whole life ahead of me. My son is almost a thousand miles away from me and I simply do not have the funds to keep going back and forth to court. And what happens when Im sucked dry? She could request whatever she wanted, go to the hearing, and since Im so far away and dont have the money to appear in court, she will get anything she wants. The only reason Im going to be able to appear in court next month is because my lawyer fells sympathetic for me and he is having the hearing pushed back until I come home for free. But something just tells me that signing my rights over would be a bad move. My father was the biggest dead beat in the world, but yet he never signed his rights over and I respect him for that. Plus there is no guarantee that I wont have to pay child support anymore even if I do sign over my rights. And I just dont see the courts giving me full supervision unless I can come up with some rock solid proof of her be unfit... </div></div>

I wouldn't suggest signing over your rights. One day your son is going to want to know his daddy. Don't be the dead beat. I really wish you the best!
 
#38
Re: The ex wife

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jeo556</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This is a horrible story and makes me scared to think that it could happen in this country.

If she is truely a party animal you could send a P.I. to keep an eye on her. If she's always out drinkning and the like you might get the courts to favor you a little. Just a thought off the cuff.

I'm really sorry that you are serving this country and this is how you are repaid.

I don't know what your thoughts about religion are but I'll be praying for you and your son tonight.

Good luck brother and please keep your head up, or down, depending on if your home or in the sandbox.
smile.gif
</div></div>
This sadly seems to be more common than not in the military for some reason. On the positive side you got rid of her before she could get your retirement if you stay in that long.
 
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